The name Sammy Hagar would probably make Vanessa Hudgens’ brain contort into a giant question mark like it does when anyone says that her beloved religion Coachella is trash. But Sammy is about to be Vanessa Hudgens’ favorite new musical artiste, because like her, he’s probably got a “People Die! That’s Life!” bumper sticker on his car. Sammy is ready to go back on the road and is okay with catching coronavirus and dying if it means that the economy will be saved. You hear that, coronavirus?! Sammy will sacrifice himself to you if you just stop! “Eh, I’m more of a David Lee Roth fan,” said coronavirus.
The country is opening up again and some people are getting really relaxed, despite the fact that coronavirus is still spreading faster than my butt cheeks when anyone says “The Hammaconda” and several states are seeing a spike in cases. Like every industry, the music industry has been hit hard, and since we’re not ready for big crowds yet (unless you’re the Dictator of Delusion), they’ve gotten creative and Live Nation is doing a drive-in concert series.
So Rolling Stone talked to many veteran touring artists about how they’re handling the pandemic since their biggest moneymaker (touring) has been temporarily yanked away. Most say that they miss their fans and the road, and are hurting in the wallet, but understand that coronavirus is serious shit and it’s best that the show does not go one for now.
Stevie Nicks says that this was supposed to be the year she works on getting her movie made and meets new people in the business, but that obviously isn’t going to happen. David Crosby says that even though this situation is a fucking disaster and he’s not making any money and is in danger of losing his house, he knows that staying home is what we’ve got to do to keep COVID-19 from further swallowing us whole. Chrissie Hynde says that it’s not possible to social distance at live gigs, but she does think live shows before were dirty and dangerous so she hopes this pandemic changes things. And 75-year-old John Fogerty said that he doesn’t see a solution until a vaccine is created and he’s not about to die for the economy and Trump.
I guess I’m more patient than some. I keep telling my family, if it was lions and tigers roaming out there, you could see that, so that prepares you psychologically, so you realize you don’t want to go out there and be reckless. All of this opening-up talk is pretty scary to me. I’m afraid we’re probably end up going backwards. And I don’t want to be the guy who contributes to that. You go do a concert with 10,000 people, and then find out afterwards that some of them died? I don’t think any of us will really be ready until after we have a vaccine and people feel safe again. I’m an older person, and a lot of people my age have died. Maybe some other guy thinks it’s a good idea, but I’m not dying for Donald Trump. I’m not dying for the economy. How can you have any kind of a crowd?
Then there’s Sammy Hagar whose brain spit out the exact opposite of what John Fogerty said. 72-year-old Sammy Hagar is money over lives and thinks that going broke will kill more people than the virus will. It makes sense that Sammy Hagar is such a bold bitch because he can’t drive 55 so obviously he thinks he can outdrive the virus.
I’ll be comfortable playing a show before there’s a vaccine, if it’s declining and seems to be going away. I’m going to make a radical statement here. This is hard to say without stirring somebody up, but truthfully, I’d rather personally get sick and even die, if that’s what it takes. We have to save the world and this country from this economic thing that’s going to kill more people in the long run. I would rather see everyone go back to work. If some of us have to sacrifice on that, OK. I will die for my children and my grandchildren to have a life anywhere close to the life that I had in this wonderful country. That’s just the way that I feel about it. I’m not going to go around spreading the disease. But there may be a time where we have to sacrifice. I mean, how many people die on the Earth every day? I have no idea. I’m sorry to say it, but we all gotta die, man.
“Is that so?” said every former Van Halen groupie over Sammy saying that he’s not going to go around and spread disease while on tour.
Well, as far as I know, many casino theaters are closed and state fairs have been canceled, so where the hell does Sammy Hagar think he’s going to play?! And while Sammy Hagar is willing to die for a dollar, how many people are willing to take the risk of ending up at purgatory’s check-in desk and having to say to the receptionist, “Yeah, I’m checking in because I died of coronavirus which I caught…. at a Sammy Hagar show…. in 2020.”