WARNING: If you proceed further, you will not be able to fight the urge to pull out your credit card and run your ass down to the finest boutique in your town (read: the 80s section of Goodwill and the dustiest clothing store in the “trashy” mall that hasn’t been able to sell the sequin bomber jackets they bought off the back of a truck in the early-90s) to recreate this White Rain-encrusted Oklahoma blossom’s entire look. Make sure you have enough room on your Visa. You’ve been warned.
Shelli Landon is one of nine Republicans who is trying to snatch the party’s nomination to represent Oklahoma Congressional District 5 in the U.S. House. I don’t know or care who the other candidates are but I’m guessing they’re in the process of announcing that they’re dropping out of that bitch because there’s no way they have the budget (read: a bootleg copy of Windows Movie Maker, a water-damaged floppy disc of MS Paint from the 80s, a pink can of AquaNet, and an old thing of Mary Kay rouge) to top the 1980s public access brilliance that Shelli Landon served up. It’s fitting that Shelli’s last name is Landon because I fell off my chair and Landon on my ass from the glamour of it all!
Future Congresswoman Shelli Landon (a bald eagle just crashed into the side of a mountain at the thought of that) has released a campaign video for the ages. If Donna Pescow got a glamour makeover from Allison Janney’s Drop Dead Gorgeous character to star in a skit for Jim & Merrick (That’s Tim & Eric’s low-rent cousins), it wouldn’t come close to capturing the HIGH ART messiness of this:
2020 has upended a lot of things but at least there are still political ads like this one for a GOPer in OK-5 pic.twitter.com/yPP2c7vnYH
— Alex Thompson (@AlxThomp) June 18, 2020
It’s a good thing for Hollywood that the Academy doesn’t accept submissions from zero budget political ads, because this would easily win Oscars for Best Visual Effects, Best Sound Mixing, Best Makeup and Hairstyling, Best Costume Design, and Best Original Song. Yes, I said “Best Original Song,” because The Star-Spangled Banner didn’t truly exist until Shelli yodeled it out in this ad.
Shelli Landon also proved that she’s the one for the job by misspelling the name of her own state:
But really, who has time for spellcheck (“I know you don’t!” – you) when you’re a style icon like Shelli Landon.
As for Shelli’s political beliefs, she’s anti-choice, wants to stop “LGBTQ agendas” (“We can tell by your hair and makeup” – the LGBTQ community), and believes that Bill Gates wants to inject REAL ID-embedded sugar chips into our hands to see if we’re getting mandatory vaccines. And I probably wouldn’t be lying if I said that she thinks global warming is as fake as that Photoshopped car-filled church parking lot in her ad. Because you know what they say: The higher the hair, the closer to depleting the ozone layer since you used 12 cans of aerosol hairspray to achieve that shit.
And Shelli really made her alma mater Rhode Island School of Design proud with that ad. No, for once, that wasn’t served on a bed of sarcasm. She’s really a graduate of Rhode School of Design. A style icon, the epitome of batshit, AND a comedian!