Hot Slut Of The Day!
Tetley’s Chefwich!
Because of the coronavirus lockdown, sales of Hot Pockets and other culinary jewels of your grocer’s frozen food section have gone up. I mean, if corona is keeping you from getting your hot pocket filled with a random Tinder trick, you may as well fill your mouth hole with a Hot Pocket. So since it’s the new golden era of microwave foods, a microwave sandwich from the 80s called Chefwich would’ve shined! But sadly, Chefwich was way before its time.
Tetley (yes, the tea company) tried to take down Hot Pockets in the late-1980s with Chefwich, which sounds like Lana Del Rey’s YouTube cooking channel. But Chefwich is named Chefwich because it was a highly gourmet sandwich that seemed like it was whipped up by a Michelin star chef. Or is it, that it seemed like it was shit out by a dude named Chef in the bathroom of a Michelin store after he ate a Hot Pocket for lunch? Yeah, it’s probably that one.
Chefwich tried to be the only thing you needed to put in your mouth all day because there were Chefwiches for dinner (chicken parmigiana and beef BBQ) and lunch (chili dog) and breakfast (fluffy omelet). You just popped it in the microwave and you had a drop of instant gourmet deliciousness (????).
Chefwich didn’t last long. And honestly, some company needs to rush the return of Chefwich because this is its time. What better time is there for a bun of carbs filled with questionable meat (QuestionableMeat is my Grinder username) that’ll give you the wet shits? While eating it, you’ll cry over the state of nearly everything as well as the fact that you’ve reached rock bottom by eating a Chefwich.
Pic: YouTube