SpongeBob SquarePants May Have Finally Come Out As Gay

June 14, 2020 / Posted by:

Every June, corporations come out in support of Pride Month by slapping some rainbow graphic on their IG page, or posting an image of two hunky white dads in button-downs, sitting on a sofa laughing at something on their shared iPad, and then they’re like: “okay done!” In the grand scheme of things, these “love is love” messages were once nice gestures but have since become laughably transparent. Home Depot is like, “we’re here for you––all year round”. That’s great, but my gay ass isn’t walking into the lumber department wearing my daisy dukes and a flannel shirt tied around my waist and NOT expecting to be laughed at.

And then, some corporations go the EXTRA mile. Case in point: Nickelodeon recently offered their version of a Pride Month tweet by seemingly outing SpongeBob SquarePants. I mean, it does look like he has balls on his chin. But needless to say, some people have….thoughts.

The New York Post is reporting that a seemingly ambiguous tweet from Nickelodeon’s official Twitter page is, in fact, direct proof that SpongeBob is, as many have suspected for two decades, a big ol’ absorbent square of GAY. Others are taking it Nickelodeon saying that he’s an ally. But I’ll let you decide:

I mean, COME! ON! He’s even wearing a rainbow-colored tie! Case closed, in my opinion.

Since SpongeBob made his debut in 1999, he’s been hit with several gay rumors (yes, that’s a sentence I just typed). here was that 2002 episode “Rock-a-Bye Bivalve” where Spongebob and his BFF Patrick parent an abandoned scallop––the way a married couple would. Scandalous! Seriously, I always thought (and that episode description kind of proves my point), that Spongebob was just something you watched until your high wore off.

But that’s not all: Nickelodeon went above and beyond by disabling comments on their post so that only users that Nickelodeon follows can share their thoughts.

As with any ~supposed~ iconic outing, some people are decidedly Team YAS-QUEEN-WE-STAN, while others have proven to be completely blindsided and devastated––over the sexual orientation of a cartoon sponge…think about that.

For everyone saying, “I had no idea!!”, need I remind you:

Surprisingly, even those One Million Assholes Moms, the anti-gay group that pickets everything with a hint of homo-sauce on it, are staying away from this shit…because the evidence is irrefutable? Who knows? Stand by for a totally family-friendly explanation from Nickelodeon on July 1, when Pride Month is over and companies no longer have to pretend that LGBTQA+ people exist.

Pic: Wenn.com

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