They say that politics are a pain in the ass––and for good reason. But when your entire platform is literally based around doing painful things to your own ass, you’ve reached a new level of dedication and will more than likely earn my vote no matter what.
A politician in Taiwan is taking his promises and putting them where it counts by offering to do some butt stuff with long pieces of wood in exchange for votes. While stranger things have happened, you’ve got to wonder how things might look if utensil-play became an actual requirement for determining the US President. Who would win? And would it matter?
According to the New York Post, a recall vote for Mayor of Taipei managed to get EVERYBODY’S attention when Taipei City Councilor Chiu Wei-chiech vowed to, quote:
“Snap one chopstick in two with his buttocks for every 10,000 votes exceeding 400,000 in the recall against then-Kaohsiung mayor Han Kuo-yu”
Well, things kinda backfired (HA!) when Chiu managed to get almost 1,000,000 residential votes, MUCH higher than the required 574,996. But ever a man of his word, the generous and totally trustworthy politician bent over and took one for his seat and for his country and snapped those sticks like a champ.
In fact, the stunt proved so successful that a local gastroenterologist, Chang Chen-jung, had to jump on the story and issue a warning should anybody think about considering chopstick-ass-snapping for future political campaigns.
“Splinters from broken chopsticks could accidentally pierce the flesh and cause cellulitis…“[Chang claims to have] seen cases of people who had inserted things into their anus, which had to be removed by surgery or endoscopy.”
Political campaigns? Hell, breaking tiny pieces of wood with your asshole should be an Olympic sport in 2020. It’s probably the only way you’d get me to tune in.
Check out Chiu’s ass cheeks in action below: