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May 24, 2020 / Posted by:

The WWF Maximum Sweat action figures!

In the late-90s, toy company Jakks Pacific and the WWF (which is, of course, the WWE now) got together and put out WWF Maximum Sweat action figures. Their only job wasn’t to look “pretty” and by “pretty” I mean look like a throbbing roid goiter that mutated into a bossy bottom daddy who bartends at a leather bar. They also came with a gimmick and their gimmick was that they were able to squirt.

WWF’s Maximum Sweat collection had four series and included wrestlers like The Rock (seen above left, letting you know he’s ready to turn your insides into a mush of organs by fisting you), Stone Cold Steve Austin (seen above right with ribbed titties and jorts from hell), Triple H, The Undertaker, Kane, and more. Yes, they looked like Tom of Finland characters on meth-infused roids but that wasn’t the scariest thing about them. They came with a little clear jug that was labeled Official Federation Sweat. You filled that jug with water and then poured it into the back of your action figure and then pressed a button to make “sweat” pour out. In this case, WWF stood for Wet and Wild Fuckery.

This is what the packaging looked like, if you care:

And here’s a video of a dude wowing us with the sweat jizzing out of The Rock Maximum Sweat action figure, which looks more like a radiation-exposed Patrick Warburton in the middle of transforming into The Hulk… while constipated.

I don’t know how that thing actually sold. But let’s see, it’s veiny, hard, bulging, and you could make it squirt out liquid (liquid, like lube, let’s say). Bitch is self-lubing! Why do I have a feeling that this mess’ #1 demographic were dudes who are most likely to go into the ER and say, “So you won’t believe this, but after getting out of the shower, I accidentially fell ass-first onto a self-lubing action figure!

Pics: Amazon, eBay, MV

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