In the rankings of asshole birds, seagulls will always come in at #1 by a mile (don’t get me started on their closest competitor, the hoary puffleg— they know what they did). According to Metro UK, two ladies in Brighton, England, Natalie and Charlotte, were getting day drunk on wine and minding their own damn business when a seagull, let’s call him Projectile Pete, flew in their house and proceeded to puke his guts up all over their kitchen counter. Tragically, the sight of Pete’s “gloopy rice-like vomit” made Charlotte puke, but it could have been worse. Pete did not successfully abscond with Natalie’s prized Love Island water bottle as she feared he might.
Apparently, Pete had been stalking these two for some time. via Metro UK:
The bird is seen waddling around to cries of ‘Get out!’ before it flies across the living room, appearing to head towards the garden door. But it then takes a detour to the kitchen counter and begins to gag. After being sick on the work surface it flies into the garden, before eventually being shooed away from the scene.
Recruitment worker Natalie, from Brighton, said her housemate was sick herself after seeing the ‘grim’, gloopy rice-like vomit left by ‘Steven Seagull’. She explained: ‘We were on Zoom to our friends doing a quiz when it just walked in. It’s always staring at us from the fence in the garden.
‘We were following it about because I was worried it would steal my Love Island water bottle or do something with the bottle of champagne.’ She continued: ‘We were quite drunk at the time and we were just screaming. Our friends could see it from the laptop on the table, they were trying to film it all.
Here is the stink Pete wreaked with his beak. Warning: It’s bleak.
See, this is why seagulls stay #1 despite the way the hoary puffleg conducts its business (I don’t want to go into the details here, it’s a family website). Seagulls are so determined to be assholes they are coming into people’s houses to fuck their shit up now that we can’t go outside for them to shit on our heads and rip our Love Island water bottles right from our hands. Assholes!