It seems to me that Lana Del Rey has been pretty successful in her career given the fact that I know who she is even though I’m not familiar with her music apart from having a pretty strong feeling it’s the kind of thing one might listen to while wistfully staring out a foggy kitchen window at the rain, wearing a flouncy housecoat and ignoring the screaming kettle that’s sitting on a vintage Wedgwood stove behind you. Her brand is that strong.
However, according to a recent Instagram post, Lana busted out the ye old-timey typewriter font on her notes app and wrote that she feels she’s been “crucified” every time she sings about “feeling beautiful” or “whatever I want,” whereas her rivals are rewarded with “number one songs” for singing about “wearing no clothes,” and name-checking Beyoncé (among others), in the process. Naturally, this statement went over like a lead balloon or Lana on .0005mg of melatonin (it does not take much).
“Now that Doja Cat, Ariana [Grande], Camila [Cabello], Cardi B, Kehlani and Nicki Minaj and Beyonce have had number ones with songs about being sexy, wearing no clothes, fucking, cheating etc – can I please go back to singing about being embodied, feeling beautiful by being in love even if the relationship is not perfect, or dancing for money – or whatever I want – without being crucified or saying that I’m glamorizing abuse???”
No word yet if her lips always just look that way, or if she’s already swelling up from dangerous levels of bee venom. You’ve got to be pretty dizzy to wake up one morning and decide that today is the day I’m taking on both The Hive and The Barbz. The question is, will Lana bring the same energy to this inevitable battle as she did when she told Azealia Banks “u know the addy. Pull up anytime.” God I hope so!
Lana went on to complain about “female writers” and “alt singers” accusing her of glamorizing abuse, noting “I’m just a glamorous person singing about the realities of what we are all now seeing are very prevalent emotionally abusive relationships all over the world.” But is she though? Glamorous? Being able to paint a clean cat-eye and having a signature silicone pout does not meet the minimum requirements. Because by that measure, Nicki is also glamorous and Anaconda was clearly a poignant cry for help.
Lana also reiterated her disdain for feminism saying “Let this be clear, I am not not a feminist. But there has to be a place in feminism for women who look and act like me,” which is crazy because I thought mopey white ladies were running the show! Here’s her entire post. It’s a lot. You might need to get out your vintage pince-nez.
The “personal reparations” comment is in reference to the announcement she made last December that she was donating half of the profits of her spoken word album to Native American foundations. We still don’t really know what that’s all about. Maybe “make reparations” is line item #23 in the Handbook For Living Glamorously. Of course, Twitter is having a field day with this (when is it not) and comparisons to Alison Roman are flying because Lana decided to primarily name check women of color (including Ariana on a cosmetic technicality).
think Lana’s post would have been fine if she hadn’t compared herself to a group of mostly black women with the clear tone that she thinks she’s been treated worse by the media when that’s observably untrue
— shon faye. (@shonfaye) May 21, 2020
If the heat gets to be too much, she can always use the old Ambien defense. Perpetually drowsy as she is, I don’t think there’s a person in the world who wouldn’t believe her.