With everything that’s been going on, it’s easy to forget that many young people are actually graduating from high school right about now. And since most of them have been spending the last two months studying online, their graduating ceremonies have gone digital, too. And what’s a virtual graduation ceremony without a pseudo-commencement speech (featuring some cringe-worthy details) from Nico Tortorella!
So, before Younger actor Nico Tortorella became THE. MOST. EXTRA., they were, apparently, a hot drunken mess at their high school graduation (suddenly, a lot of those headlines make sense). And instead of keeping this information tucked away, Nico thought it would be a good idea to do what they do best and make the situation all about them. Seriously, if I was in that graduating class and my principal opened the Zoom party with “And now, Celebrity Drag Race runner-up, Nico Tortellini…” I’d log off pretty damn fast.
During Her Campus’ I’m Still Graduating virtual ceremony yesterday, Nico told the story of how they got kicked out of their high school graduation in Wilmette, Illinois in the early 2000s.
“I got arrested at my graduation,” the “Younger” star said in a prerecorded message for the ceremony. They took a long pause before continuing, “I’m sure that’s not how anyone expected me to start this speech. Not the graduators. Not the Her Conference. Not my mom. Not me. But we’re living in some trying times, y’all, so we might as well discuss some trying times.”
Never mind a high school diploma, Nico deserves an honorary doctorate for the amount of time and energy they put into drawing parallels between the world’s current “trying times” and their “trying times”. Deadly pandemic vs. Nico doing what everyone does at their graduation (get drunk)? Which one is more tragic? Hmmm…that’s a tough one.
“I may or may not have shotgunned a beer as well, but that’s besides the point,” they quipped, adding, “This ceremony, we were required to wear white tuxedos, okay? And so clearly I accessorized with an appropriate flat brim hat, high-top Converse. Maybe I was smoking a cigarette on the way in, but again, not important.”
“I blew 0.1. I was a minor,” they laughed. “Zero tolerance policy. Arrested. By my cousin. At my high school graduation.”
If you’re wondering who in the hell called upon Nico to dole out valuable life advice, the I’m Still Graduating program put together a bunch of random celebrities to salute graduating seniors who are stuck at home. Other Rhodes scholars like Frankie Grande, Austin Mahone and Jesse McCartney also sent shout outs yesterday.
“There are no coincidences in this world. I believe there’s a lesson in this. There’s medicine in this. Find it. You got this. We got this. Congratulations. And for what it’s worth, at least you won’t get arrested at this year’s graduation.”
If this is what the future of high school graduations looks like, I think I’m fine to watch as the universe collapses in on itself. Take care!