Open Post: Hosted By Papa John’s Extremely Modest And Tasteful Home

May 14, 2020 / Posted by:

Papa John’s founder, John Schnatter, has been stuck at home and so he decided that he shouldn’t be the only one to experience his amazing and beautiful sprawling castle-like mansion and so he shared it with us. Dubbed “Papa Castle”, the gigantic property in Louisville, Kentucky features all the standards of a royal abode. It’s way too big, it has a moat, and it has a clock statue of two eagles fucking. Welcome to Lifestyles Of The Rich And Trashy.

Papa John has been on a downward spiral since dropping the N-word during a conference call which got him kicked out of his own company. Since then, he’s talked shit about his former-pizza haven and swore revenge. Not sure when that’s coming because people say “the best revenge is living well.” I guess his idea of living well is having a house that looks like if a greasy pizza dipped in ranch was a lavish house.

HuffPo says that the house is worth a reported $11 million and is on 16 acres of land. If Cribs were still alive, this house would be their wet dream. It’s not just big. It’s hideous. And la pièce de résistance? A gigantic statue of eagles fucking. Papa explained the deep nuanced-meaning of the statue:

“Eagles go up several thousand feet, they mate all the way down, and right before they hit the earth they separate, so that they don’t get hurt or killed. Perfect timing. Eagles mating: its a clock. It spins four times an hour–check it out.”

Here it is in all its stunning glory:

You probably didn’t even see that MAGA jizz load of a statue because you went temporarily blind from looking at those jeans!

Pic: Twitter

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