Vera Wang Says The Secret To Her Age-Defying Beauty Is Sleep, Work, Vodka, And No Sun

May 12, 2020 / Posted by:

When I first read the headline that Vera Wang was sharing her age-defying beauty secrets, I rolled my eyes so hard, my retinas detached. Like, come on. Vera’s a rich celebrity. I’m sure she just nips and tucks and uses $15,000 anti-aging cream made from the blood of virgin dolphins (a famously smooth animal).

Then I read her age, which is… drumroll, please… 70. SEV-EN-TY. And she’ll be 71 next month! Which means she was born in 1949. The frickin’ WWII decade!

Even though Vera’s been seventy almost a full year, it’s only been the last week that people paid any attention. It all started with Vera posting piles o’ pandemic pictures to her Instagram:

Wow. Even if that woman is more Botox than blood, she’s clearly been blessed with some good genes. The last couple of pictures spurred a viral tweet about her age. And Vera’s Twitter co-signed it as FACTS:

The abs picture (HOW?!) was flooded with comments like, “WANG, HOW YOU 70?” One Instagram follower asked for specifics. How does Vera do it? She responded with this gem: “work, sleep, a vodka cocktail, not much sun”.

Work? Meh, not really into it. Sleep? Hell yeah. I’m useless without my twelve hours. A vodka cocktail? I was gonna say YEP, but then I noticed she said “a” vodka cocktail, which implies just one, soooo it’s a no from me, dawg. And not much sun? Well, like most of the world, I’m getting very little sun at the moment. So yay! A point in my favor. Which means I’m like… 2.5 outta 4.

The real question is, can this equation fix already-existing wrinkles? At the ripe old age of 31, I’ve developed a deep line between my brows, thanks to years of bitchily glaring at people’s stupidity. It’s taken my resting bitch face to the next level. To make up for it, I just smile like a maniac, constantly serving you, “I used the Joker’s Smylex products, and I’m lovin’ every minute!”

Pic: Instagram

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