As you well know, ain’t shit going on these days besides Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas wilding around town like a couple of 12-year olds whose mom is late picking them up from the mall. With nary a red carpet at which to gawk, we’re having to resort to tales of yesteryear to keep us entertained. Yesteryear, Lena Dunham had us gagged at the red carpet premiere for Once Upon A Time In Hollywood. And I mean gagged literally because not only was she wearing a distressed feathered Fraggle pelt, she also made a scene by trying to suck the ever-loving life force out of her co-star Brad Pitt, seemingly against his will. Well, Lena has a perfectly good explanation for that, and she told it to Andy Cohen on a recent episode of Watch What Happens Live. She was licking pizza juice off his face. Sadly, that’s the only inference I can make from Lena’s roundabout non-explanation.
Here’s the pic in question:
Lena Dunham opens up about that "awkward" Brad Pitt kissing photo from the #OnceUponATimeinhollywood London premiere–and reveals the magical gift Brad gave her later that night https://t.co/gv23BGbCdM
— Wonderwall (@Wonderwall) May 12, 2020
According to E! News, Andy had Lena play a hyper-specific game called Spit on Pitt, which Lena took as an opportunity to “clear something up.”
“I don’t know if you remember there was a sort of awkward photo taken of the two of us,” the actress noted. “Well, the way the internet read it was I had somehow physically accosted him causing him a great deal of stress…I would never force a kiss on Brad Pitt. I respect him far too much as an artist and a friend. Later that night because he knew I felt nervous, he took me into a room and we secretly ate pizza and I told him I like his ring and he gave it to me.”
Dunham added, “And I wear it and every time I wear it, something amazing happens.”
You heard her, she would never force a kiss on someone she respects and admires. Lena wants us to know that she was Brad’s quirky younger lady friend way before Alia Shawkat rode her folding e-bike onto the scene. She also told Andy that Brad made her feel “pretty cool” the first time he had scenes with her on the set of OUATIH. I’m going to have to assume this was before she made him play kewpie doll peek-a-boo, because I don’t see how Brad escaped that episode without suffering from severe retinal scorching.
“Well, I actually had the pleasure of knowing him a little bit previously, so I wasn’t going in totally blind. But when I showed up to set, I didn’t have some major megastar part, I was in a really great ensemble of girls so, I didn’t expect…I expected, you know, a friendly hello from Brad. And I think what happened was the best thing that’s maybe ever happened to me.”
“He was doing a scene where he was parking a car and he’s supposed to get out and look around and he looked around and saw me at the edge of frame and came over and picked me up and spun me around,” Dunham recalled. “And it was like…it was like in one of those movies where the nerd shows up at the prom and the hottest guy at school is like, ‘Would you care to dance?'”
“He’s a truly kind person who can read the room,” Dunham shared. “And I was super nervous because I was around so many idols of mine and he made me feel pretty cool.”
I hope Brad and Lena have a mutual understanding about expressing respect and admiration with unbidden physical contact because if some dude, I don’t care if it’s Brad Pitt, Jason Momoa, my own husband or Marlon Brando’s ghost frozen in time at 28 years old, anybody trying fight gravity on my behalf is getting a swift kick in the balls. Tom Hardy, you just try it, I dare you! (DM me for address)