RuPaul Charles is many things: drag queen, actor, producer, podcaster, rancher, fracker, singer, activist (most of the time), and, above all else, hustler. That’s why there are roughly twelve-thousand RuPaul’s Drag Race projects in the works at all times. This means that even a longtime Drag Race fan like myself is getting fatigued. I haven’t bothered with Secret Celebrity Drag Race, because I spied only one real celebrity (Vanessa Williams), and the weed I’m currently smoking isn’t strong enough to make that shit interesting. But I definitely perked up today when VH1 ruvealed the cast and release date (June 5) for All Stars 5. Yes, the names were leaked months ago, but my brain forgot, so it was like brand new information. And even at its worst, an All Stars season is pretty damn entertaining. I mean, they’re All Stars, for chrissake. They’re a cut above regular season riff-raff.
The season five cast of All Stars includes: Shea Couleé, Miz Cracker, Alexis Mateo, Blair St. Clair, Mariah Balenciaga, India Ferrah, Jujubee, Derrick Barry, Mayhem Miller, and Ongina. Here’s a video of their entrances:
And a video of them talking about their “first day feels”:
And my very important thoughts on them:
Shea Couleé (Season 9) – Hello fillers (on her face, not saying she’s a filler queen)! Back to prove she’s better than those goddamned wig rose petals!
Miz Cracker (Season 10) – Gives great (talking) head.
Alexis Mateo (Season 3, All Stars 1) – That beautiful floor-length tulle cape thing, BAM!
Blair St. Clair (Season 10) – Both her lips and confidence have been pumped up.
Mariah Balenciaga (Season 3) – Bitchy icon, but it’s safe to assume she still can’t act.
India Ferrah (Season 3) – How have I never noticed India looks exactly like Alexander McQueen out of drag?
Jujubee (Season 2, All Stars 1) – Perfect human.
Derrick Barry (Season 8) – LOL K, she’ll give us some entertaining moments.
Mayhem Miller (Season 10) – Sure!
Ongina (Season 1) – Beeeautiful entrance look, and it’s about time!
Season 3 and 10 are the most represented with three queens from each season. Ru already
mined fracked the fuck outta the Seasons 4-9 girls in prior All Stars seasons, so he’s definitely running out of options. Although, in all seriousness, where is comedy icon Joslyn Fox? And Mrs. Kasha Davis?
I’m rooting for Queen Jujubee, who’s responsible for some of my favorite reads of all time, including this iconic line directed at Season 2 winner Tyra Sanchez: “Miss Tyra, was your barbecue canceled? Your grill is fucked up.” Get it? She had shitty teeth.