Who Is April’s Hot Slut Of The Month?

And it was nearly an all-quarantine HSOTM battle, but then LePage’s Mucilage just had to come along and fuck it up. Although, many of our brains look like a pile of crusty and dried LePage’s Mucilage from watching the mind-killing news all the time. So it works!

Our fourth HSOTM tournament is a Hot Slut fight between a Southern treasure who has used his brilliant gay uncle storytelling skills to entertain us during this lockdown, a drag queen who gave us a perfect performance art lockdown piece, brown glue, and a quarantine memaw who used a sign to get lots of free beer!

The first three HSOTM contestants got the most Facebook likes for the month, and the fourth was picked by me. Your choices for April are:

Leslie Jordan, the storytelling jewel whose Instagram videos of his tales and thoughts have become a daily lockdown must along with “jacking off to our sourdough rising” and “falling asleep with your eyes open during a Zoom meeting.”

Anahi Santos, the Florida drag queen who provided riveting quarantine content by drunkenly falling asleep during a live stream performance and staying asleep for three hours. I haven’t seen a performer bring the ZZZZZZs like that since Maroon 5 at the Super Bowl.

LePage’s Mucilage, the brown glue that all TRUE young artists used instead of that amateur ass Elmer’s shit.

Olive Veronesi, the 93-year-old Pennsylvania memaw who’s been having a beer a day during lockdown and took to her front window to hold up a sign that read, ” I Need More Beer,” which got her more beer, including 150 free cans from Coors! I would try that move but I already get enough judgemental looks from rude neighbors when I bring five empty boxed wine boxes to the trash can and shake my head “no” to their question, “Damn, did you just have a big party or something?”

Voting is below. April’s HSOTM champion will be named next Monday, May 11th.

Pics: Instagram, Facebook, Reddit, KDKA