Hot Slut Of The Day!

May 3, 2020 / Posted by:

Danish Go-Rounds!

If you asked me a couple of days ago what a Danish Go-Round is, I’d probably tell you that it’s some complicated sex act where you get on all fours with your ass out on some kind of lazy susan/merry go round type thing, and you spin around as several dudes standing around the merry go round, jack off and bust on your buns when you get in front of them, causing your nalgas to look like a frosted danish by the end of it. And you’d probably run away from me immediately while calling the authorities. But a Danish Go-Round is not a sex act, that I know of. It was some extremely healthy breakfast deliciousness that Kellogg’s made in the 1970s and cruelly snatched away when 1980 came around.

Reader Jennifer suggested Danish Go-Rounds as a Hot Slut of the Day and I never heard of it before she dropped it in my inbox. According to Kellogg’s site, Danish Go Rounds made its debut on supermarket shelves in 1968 and were made up of a flaky pastry rope that was filled with fruit. It got a reboot in the mid-70s, but apparently, the mouths of America preferred Pop-Tarts and so Danish Go-Rounds became Danish-Go-AWAY by 1980:

Danish Go Rounds were introduced in 1968. They were an extruded rope of dough with fruit filling in the middle, wrapped to form an oval. The dough was very similar to our current Kellogg’s® Pop-Tarts® Toaster Pastries. Because of the way they were made, they broke or crumbled easily, and were replaced in 1976 by Danish Rings. Danish Rings had a flakier pastry with fruit filling, and stamped in an oval shape. Unfortunately, they never caught on! Consumers much preferred Kellogg’s® Pop-Tarts®, so Danish Rings were discontinued in 1980.

Danish Go-Rounds came in flavors like brown sugar-cinnamon, blueberry, strawberry, and cinnamon raisin. Here’s a commercial starring THEE Dana Plato for Danish Rings, the reboot of Danish Go-Rounds:

Flaky, fruit-filled, and covered with gorgeous crystals of sugar?! How did these not become a long-lasting hit that are still in stores today?! It’s almost as if a pastry competitor at Kellogg’s knew it was in danger of a new bitch showing it up and either pushed its rival down the stairs or came up with a bunch of slanderous lies so that Kellogg’s would quickly banish its nemesis to save the brand from a messy scandal. Yes, I’ve just called Pop-Tarts the Nomi Malone of toaster pastries.

Pic: Snackbar Confidential

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