I know what you’re thinking: Jeez, what is it, asshole day? The world is full of garbage and clearly this weekend, the bags are LEAKING. Speaking of which, R. Kelly is jumping into the fray again. R. Kelly is trying for the 2948th time to get sprung from prison amid fears of contracting the coronavirus. But unlike all of his previous failed attempts, he’s now got proof that he’s a menace to society sitting duck if he is forced to remain locked up.
According to TMZ, R. Kelly’s lawyers filed documents, asking the court to release his client after the Bureau of Prisons allegedly failed to disclose R. Kelly’s medical records, which apparently show that R. Kelly has high cholesterol, high blood pressure and is “likely diabetic”. That’s right: “I might be diabetic, please let me out of prison”. I mean, weaker defenses have proved successful.
In docs, Kelly’s lawyer also claims the singer has high cholesterol and high blood pressure … further putting him in a vulnerable position if he contracts the deadly coronavirus while penned up at MCC Chicago.
I’m not going to remind you why R. Kelly is in prison in the first place (because I haven’t eaten yet), but needless to say, his ass should not be skipping out the door fresh on the heels of receiving the Tekashi 6ix9ine snitch-and-ditch special.
The judge (who is apparently the same judge who shot down two of R. Kelly’s earlier requests for release in the last month) is still considering the options. In the past, the judge has expressed his concerns that R. Kelly is a flight risk, and is likely to intimidate witnesses if released back into society. But surely, once this sensible lawmaker re-watches that totally sane interview with Gayle King from last March, we’ll be seeing R. Kelly from the other side of the glass once again. Mothers, be prepared to lock up your daughters, yet again.