Elon Musk Says That Grimes’ Due Date Is On Monday, And He Plans On Selling Almost All Of His Physical Possessions

May 2, 2020 / Posted by:

Here I was thinking that pop weirdo Grimes was so hypnoti$$$ed by boyfriend Elon Musk and his brand of douchey, hi-tech, pot-scented fuckery that she’d never have a harsh word to say about him. But things have changed. Sometimes that happens when men open their mouths.

People is reporting that the Tesla CEO and anti-lockdown “activist”, spent some time in the doghouse (which is probably still worth about $10 million and has an indoor heated pool) after his girlfriend, who according to him, is due to birth out their Tesla baby on Monday, caught wind of his recent “take back America” tweetstorm.

If that wasn’t embarrassing enough, Elon’s mouth diarrhea allegedly caused Tesla stock valuation to drop by billions. That’s billions with a B. I mean, I’ve said some stupid shit, but…billions!?! Elon, of course, took to Twitter again to try to tame the flames scorching his ego, claiming that his “company’s stock price is too high imo”. Oh, so that’s why people are dumping their Tesla stock? Not because the company is run by some hipster Mr. Burns, and has a design team that is clearly passing around the bong during brainstorm sessions if last year’s bullshit prototype is any indication.

But I digress. Tesla’s alleged inflated stock prices aside, Elon, clearly back on his bullshit, continued with a follow-up tweet, claiming that as a result of the stock plummet, he will sell almost everything he owns and the “almost” doesn’t include Gene Wilder’s house.

Ironic that Elon insists on living in houses with soul considering he doesn’t have one himself (see: his “FREE AMERICA NOW” tweets).

No word on whether any of these claims are true, or if they are just the after-effects of a brain-frying Friday night at Casa de Musk. But even with a baby on the way, Elon is confident that he and his family can still make it work without having any of those pesky mod-cons or a roof over their heads. After all, they’ve still got their FREEDOM!

Even Grimes herself entered the chat, and not, as I assumed, to post a “Grimes would like to be excluded from this narrative” tweet:

Isn’t that sweet? I guess the kooky couple that tweets together (assumedly in the same house), stays together…. until Grimes dumps Elon after finding out that he sold their baby’s $50,000 amethyst-powered float tank crib.

Pic: Wenn.com

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