Dina Lohan Is Sober And Back Together With The Online Boyfriend She’s Never Met

57-year-old Dina Lohan was with a man for five long years. How? You may wonder? Well it seems the key to staying with Dina Lohan long-term is zero physical contact. Dina was in an on-again–off-again relationship with a guy she never met in person. He then only grudgingly revealed himself as 55-year-old Jesse Nadler in an effort to save his sudden reputation as a catfisher. But I feel like admitting you’re dating Dina Lohan does the opposite of save a reputation. The two ultimately broke up after Jesse became friends with her ex, Michael Lohan and wouldn’t shut up to media. Well, Jesse has once again entered Dina’s life and he’s kicked shit off by talking to media. If at first you don’t succeed…..

Jesse told Page Six that he’s back together with Dina and they’re Facebook official (Side note: They met on Facebook, and only talked online and through the phone because Jesse claimed he didn’t have an iPhone to FaceTime with). Jesse said they both agreed to stop drinking before they got back together. But I don’t know… does dating Dina Lohan sounds like the decision of a sober man?

In January, Dina was arrested for DWI after choosing to get behind the wheel of a car while allegedly drunk. She hit a parked car in an Outback Steakhouse parking lot and then booked it from the scene only to get pulled over. Dina claimed she was assaulted by the arresting cop who allegedly pushed her to the ground. She’s facing 6 months in jail over it, so I guess she’s sober for love and to avoid the clink. Back in February, a judge ruled that Dina can avoid jail if she completes rehab. Dina is supposed to go back to court on May 12 but who knows if that’ll happen due to the coronavirus situation. Jesse told Page Six that his own sobriety is a “good influence” on Dina:

“[Dina’s] been sober and healthy for over two months, and we’ve been great. I don’t drink anymore. It’s been over a year, and I was never a big boozer but I was a binger. I would go long periods of time without booze. but then I would go out, have one and couldn’t stop, but I have stopped now.”

And, they STILL haven’t met in person yet. But Jesse said that they will after the quarantine ends. Uh-huh, if Dina and Jesse were the last two people on earth, and she finally had the chance to meet him, she’d think about it for a second, look at the roaches who survived the apocalypse with her and say, “Eh, let’s hit up Outback instead, bitches!”

Pic: Wenn.com