Armie Hammer Gave Himself A Quarantine Haircut

April 16, 2020 / Posted by:

Legend has it that a long time ago, sailors stuck at sea would get bored, desperate, and a little loopy, and their brains would convince them to do dumb stuff, like that they should leap into the water and have sex with a manatee. And that’s how we got mermaids! Well, something similar is happening right now. We’re all stuck inside, fighting against our inner demons. Demons that are convincing us to get out the clippers and cut our own hair. And I guess you could say that’s how we got Armie Hammer’s current coronavirus quarantine look.

Yesterday, Armie posted a pic to Instagram and captioned it: “Killing the game.” If the game he’s referring to is Sorry, then he’s killing it. Because that haircut is the reason Armie will be apologizing to his wife for the rest of quarantine. And Armie’s wife Elizabeth Chambers documented his haircut on her Instagram Stories:

Armie also posted progress pictures to his stories, like this one:

But the question remains: Did Armie buzz his own head and face because he was bored? Or was it because – much like many of us – Armie’s losing it a little, and he heard that voice in his head whisper, “Do it, cut your own hair, it will definitely look good, I promise.” I fell victim to that very same voice, and that’s why I currently look like 1st season Ally McBeal. Armie hasn’t offered a cohesive explanation for why he whipped out the clippers. But this video of a post-buzz Armie might be all the explanation we need:

Many in the comments of Armie’s post threw out their own suggestions for why they think Armie did what he did. Some guessed that it’s for that alleged Call Me By Your Name sequel. Others think Armie got inspired by the tacky style featured in Tiger King. But personally, I think Armie looks like a combination of three people:

1. A trust fund Travis Bickle
2. The love child of Zangief and Cammy
3. The younger, less emotionally stable brother of Gene the Chef from Wet Hot American Summer

That last one is doing it for me. I wouldn’t be upset if Armie’s next Instagram video involved him wearing even less of a shirt, talking to a can of vegetables. It’s clear that I have officially lost it, and that cutting my own hair is the least of my worries at this point.

Pic: Instagram

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