The quarantine. Good for flattening the curve and saving lives… spending quality time with beloved family and pets… discovering new recipes and hobbies… and drinking your weight in booze every single goddamn night. Which is exactly what Martha Stewart did this past weekend.
You wouldn’t think a lifestyle guru worth hundreds of millions of dollars would bring the “LOLz, it me” (especially if her name rhymes with Schwyneth Faltrow), but Martha did just that when she left a nonsensical comment on an Instagram photo of baby chicks, then returned to the scene of the crime hours later and admitted “I have been drinking”.
Here it is in all its glory:
Martha Stewart: The Brandi Glanville of the Written Word. Who knew? Martha gets bonus points for owning up to the messiness. Most celebs would just delete that shit. But not our Martha. She pays for her mistakes! And/or she couldn’t figure out how to delete it because she is a 78-year-old grandma on the ‘Gram (#ageism).
At least it was just a photo of baby chicks. I would’ve scrolled all the way down to a seven-year-old photo of an ex and left something like “oh wowe you have”’t aged a day// arwe u stoill with tgat girld vANESSA? SHE AS BNITCH!!!11″ But where my inebriated passions lie with past romances, Martha’s lie with the chickens. She’s currently “quarantined” (is it really a quarantine if your property is 153 acres?) on her farm in Bedford, New York, where she’s been raising a gaggle of geese on her “poultry complex”.
Damn, it looks like those little geese have it better than most of us humans. Give me a nest on Martha’s estate. I’ll bask under a heat lamp, eat worms, and sneak drinks from her booze supply (ahem, “booze complex”).