And now for a wholesome (“You spent famewhoresome wrong” – everyone) tale from an extremely functional family.
Seriously though, the hands-down messiest couple in recent memory is at it again, throwing around accusations in court while a child sits in the middle. Rob Kardashian, sock designer to the stars, is claiming in court papers that his ex-fiancée, Blac Chyna is a crazed abuser.
Us Weekly got its hands on legal documents that were filed in Rob’s never-ending lawsuit against Chyna for assault and battery. Rob claims that not only did Blac Chyna hold a gun to his head but that she also beat him with a metal pole and tried to strangle him with an iPhone charger––all of this happening right before their split in December 2016. Hard to believe it’s been more than 3 years since the fairy tale romance of our lifetime came and went, leaving behind a mess of crumpled burger wrappers and fake lashes in its wake.
Keeping it all in the family, as is the Kardashian way, this alleged fight happened in Kylie Jenner’s mansion, just a month after Chyna gave birth to her and Rob’s daughter, Dream.
And speaking of family….who best to diffuse a tense standoff with a gun-wielding lunatic than Pimp Mama Kris? That’s right, rather than ring up the cops, Rob called his mother, who ALSO didn’t call the cops, but instead sent over her then-boyfriend, Corey Gamble.
If you haven’t already put it together, this family, collectively, seems to have no common sense or logic, which is why their continued success never ceases to amaze me. After all, it was only a few weeks ago that Chyna called child services on Rob. In a perfect world, these idiots would be taken away and locked away in a dark room with no WiFi.
Needless to say, Blac Chyna denies the whole thing. However, she does seem to admit that a gun did make an appearance, claiming, via her lawyer, Lynne Ciani:
“There was no ‘violent attack,’” Ciani said, insisting that on the night in question, the couple were celebrating season 2 of Rob & Chyna being greenlit by E!…Part of that raucous and flirty celebration included Chyna ripping her fiancé Rob’s shirt and then playfully stroking her fingernails against his chest,” Ciani said. “Far from being ‘assault and battery,’ Rob instead admitted under oath at his deposition that being scratched by a woman is ‘one of the best things a man could ask for.’ Rob also admitted that he never feared for his life and actually thought it was ‘funny’ when Chyna teased him while holding Rob’s unloaded gun.”
I really thought we had turned a corner in this country. I thought that, inch by inch, this family was disappearing from our consciousness and we could all breathe a final sigh of relief. While domestic violence is anything but funny, after years of clownery, reading this story makes me think that a premium grade STUNT is in the works. Stay tuned…