“Why are you so obsessed with me?” said the whole of the Coachella Valley. Seriously, straight guys, get yourself a girl who loves you as much as Vanessa Hudgens loves making a spectacle of herself in public.
Back in March, the Coachella Queen made a giant ass out of herself during an Instagram livestream by putting on her lab coat and switching topics from makeup to the coronavirus. Vanessa said that staying in quarantine for months is ridiculous and that people dying, while terrible, was also “inevitable”. Basically, it sounded like she was pissed that COVID-19 was responsible for canceling her favorite outdoor music venue––or, basically, the place where she gets a giant check.
Coachella was supposed to start yesterday, but obviously it didn’t. It’s been postponed until October 9––and Vanessa wants you to know that she’ll be first in line no matter what! And, according to her Instagram, she’s been thinking about it a lot.
Maybe it’s because I don’t have a closet full of culturally insensitive headgear and prefer Masterpiece Theater and some tea and biscuits, but I have never understood the appeal of Coachella. It just seems…too much. Too much sun, too many lines for portable toilets, and too many desperate former Disney stars trying to out-asshole each other for followers. But since Vanessa’s IG profile says, “STAY IN!!!! Don’t go out,” she has finally gotten the message (or is pretending to so she won’t get dragged more) and is probably having her own Coachella at home by blasting Travis Scott while twirling around in a flower crown with her dog (wearing a Native American headdress) as the heat in her house is turned all the way up. And yes, her poor dog will try to snort that snow rug to try to get through the torture of it all.