Gwyneth Paltrow Thinks That It Says A Lot About YOU If You Don’t Like Her For Being Rich And Pretty

That cover. I wonder how much RESTRAINT it took for the art director to not put Gwyneth’s head over the “O” in “COUNTRY.”

Super grounded everyday woman Gwyneth Paltrow is the cover girl for the May issue of Town & Country. The profile is, surprise surprise, a kiss-ass love letter to Goop and Goopy. Merry Christmas to us all! 

The article, entitled “Gwyneth Paltrow Has the Last Laugh” delves into the “pioneer’s” new love of walking in LA (she invented it), how her “gilded” Upper East Side childhood was actually pretty normal, how the Goop Netflix series is unequivocally great TV, and how she’s definitely not “out of touch”. You see, Gwyneth is completely in on the joke. Which brings us to this very “in on the joke” quote from the “philosopher-queen” (!!!) herself.

via Town & Country:

So she forges on with Goop, digging into the role of philosopher-queen and sharing the knowledge that she is a woman comfortable with where she is and how she got there. She doesn’t care if that makes her a target. “The people who are triggered by me—‘I don’t like her because she is pretty and she has money’—it’s because they haven’t given themselves permission to be exactly who they are,” she says.

Ya know what? I believe Gwyneth 100% believes her own bullshit. That the only reason we mock her is because we’re jealous of her pretty, blonde, rich celebrity lifestyle.

I mean, what else could it possibly be? That she’s actually an insufferable snob who’s never had to struggle financially a day in her life? That she’s peddling dangerous crap only Real Housewives socialite-types can afford? That’s she’s completely out of touch with the real world and has an ego twice the size of her character in Shallow Hal? No, no, no. Impossible. Clearly we’re all ugly half-humans who can’t tap into our true selves. Wow, I really hate us.

The article is accompanied by a bunch of photos of Goopy looking hot and wealthy. The bracelet she’s wearing on the cover is $106,800… which, yes, you’re a celebrity in a luxury style magazine, but after all that “I’m so relatable” bullshit, you think maybe she’d rock some JCPenney? Please, that cheap polyester crap would melt the moment it touched Goopy’s pristine rich pretty lady skin.

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“I find that the best way to metabolize the fear that many of us feel during this time is through generosity,” says our May 2020 cover star @gwynethpaltrow. We caught up with Paltrow this week to hear about what she’s doing during these uncertain times. She—and the greater Goop team—have been supporting a variety of causes to help those affected by COVID 19. “There are numerous people risking their lives to ensure that we’re lucky enough to shelter in place, and they need us. The Frontline Responders Fund is dedicated to protecting those brave souls with necessary PPE gear, ensuring they too can come safely home to their families.” Find the full interview with Paltrow—which was conducted by @marisameltzer just before our lives were upended by the novel coronavirus—at the link in bio. Photography by @amandademme, styling by @annelchristensen

A post shared by TOWN&COUNTRY (@townandcountrymag) on Apr 8, 2020 at 9:46am PDT

Pic: Town & Country