Well, if you ask me, this is just stupid. This is like Freedom Fries and that US remake of Kath & Kim-level stupid. They say that during a crisis, there are no bad ideas––in this case, I beg to fricking differ. Grupo Modelo, the company behind Corona and Coronita beer (aka, the fuel that went into the writing of this very article), is shutting down production for the time being––and just when we need them the most!
CNN is reporting the devastating news that, in Mexico, beer production is not on the list of essential activities and services (?!?!) and so the Modelo company has been forced to halt everything until at least April 30 in an effort to curb the spread of the COVID-19 virus. In all seriousness, I can certainly get behind the plan to keep brewers and staff at home, but still… isn’t there a crew of robots or a pack of wild dogs that can be trained to mix hops and barley? Speaking on behalf of every dry tissue in my body, we’ll take any drop of booze we can get!
Now, I have to admit, when I first heard this, I thought that Modelo had stopped brewing because people had collectively fallen down and bumped their heads, and regained consciousness with the thought that drinking Corona beer somehow gave you coronavirus. It’s a crazy thought, but…I mean, look around.
In fact, Corona’s coincidental name hasn’t damaged sales at all. It actually grew by almost 10% in the first three months of this year––and up a further 24% since last year. Constellation Brands, the company that imports and distributes Corona beer in the US say they have “ample supply to meet consumer demand” and do not expect shortages in the near term––as long as Modelo keeps making it. There is a push in Mexico to have breweries added to the government-approved list of essential services, so if Modelo makes the grade, they should be able to put away all of this crazy shutdown talk. Or they should do what other beer companies have done and switch to making hand sanitizer. Preferably, Corona(the beer)-flavored hand sanitizer that you can also drink!
Seriously, is there anything better than the mild buzz of a Corona beer on a Sunday morning? Walking into an Applebees, ordering a four-bottle bucket to yourself, and taking the collectible pail home? These truly are trying times.