Open Post: Hosted By Ina Garten’s Teeny Tiny Breakfast Time Cosmo
If you’re outside in NYC right now, then take your dumb ass inside NOW, you’re not supposed to be out. But while you run inside, watch for falling coochies since the poons of Carrie Bradshaw, Samantha Jones, Charlotte York, and Miranda Hobbes blew off in excitement after seeing the recipe for Ina Garten’s breakfast time cocktail for one.
Ina Garten tried (emphasis on “tried“) to come for Sandra Lee’s title of Queen of Cocktail Time by whipping up a Godzilla-sized cosmopolitan. But please, Sandra Lee is looking at that amuse bouche of a cocktail like, “Awww, did that tiny thing come from the children’s menu? Cute.”
While some people are slathering their hands with alcohol to fight corona, Ina Garten is guzzling that shit up. This morning, The Barefoot Contessa posted a video on Instagram of her making a pitcher of cosmos because “you never know who’s going to stop by… wait a minute, nobody’s stopping by.” Ina then makes the pitcher of Quarantine Cosmos using two Sandra Lee-sized shots of vodka, some cranberry juice, fresh lime juice, and Cointreau. Who knew that Ina Garten’s morning cocktail recipe is just like mine, except I replace the cranberry juice, lime juice, and Cointreau with more vodka.
As for what to eat after you guzzle down that cosmo and are plastered at 10:00AM, Ina has got you covered. Just pull a frozen waffle out of the freezer and slather it with peanut butter and jelly. VOILA! An instant drunk time culinary masterpiece!
And as for the real Queen of Cocktail Time, Sandra Lee took a break from spitting onto the hands of people in need of sanitizer since her saliva is pure alcohol and put out an anti-body shaming PSA over people focusing on her ex, Governor Andrew Cuomo’s nipple situation. Messes who know what’s important during these times are wondering if Cuomo’s got a pierced nipple, or some serious nipple pimples, or maybe two nipple knobs on one nipple plate.
Andrew Cuomo's nipples take our minds off coronavirus https://t.co/FiRR9MALsQ pic.twitter.com/MRRIbNkJb8
— New York Post (@nypost) April 1, 2020
Sandra Lee will not stand for this! And while she didn’t specifically point out the talk about her ex’s pierced nip, she did tell us to stop with the body shaming, and that pulling that shit when people are working on the front lines to make things better is not right.
“Shame on you, knock it off, do something to uplift people and make the world a better place, not take cheap shots that are unnecessary.”
Here’s the video of the SAN FARDS international treasure (in a Christmas sweater) letting us know to LEAVE ANDREW CUOMO’S PIERCED NIP ALONE!!! while in, what I’m guessing is, her casual living, which could double as the set for Bianca’s house in a live-action Beverly Hills Teens movie.
So there you go, Ina Garten is showing us how to get AM drunk as Sandra Lee, who should be showing us how to get AM drunk, is slapping at tricks for focusing on a pierced nipple during this time. What’s next? Guy Fieri showing us how to make a healthy organic salad complete with low-sodium dressing? We really are in the Upside Down.