Hot Slut Of The Day!

March 31, 2020 / Posted by:

Conair’s Quick Gems! 

When the disgusting reign of corona comes to an end, some of us are going to have next-level FUPAs, alcohol problems (no thanks to the built-in cocktail cushion shelf on our torsos), hairy assholes, and jacked-up hair that looks like it was cut with rusty safety scissors by an arthritic parrot during an earthquake. Since salons have shut down (causing mayhem at Fox News and beyond), some people are cutting their own hair as well as their children’s hair. Well, the good thing about a mom cutting their kid’s hair during these times is that school is closed so they won’t fill to the top with embarrassment when they show up with crooked bangs that look like they’re dabbing. But because many hair stylists have sadly been forced to put down their scissors for now, at-home hair styling products like clippers and Flowbees are making a return. And so it’s time for Conair’s Quick Gems to make a grand return too!

Sometime in the late-90s, Conair started selling Quick Gems, a Bedazzler for your hair, basically. It made your hair look like a Sweet Secrets Doll just barfed all over it. Or like Richard Simmons sneezed on it. Or like Cartier just farted on it. The way it worked is that your friend pulled a piece of your hair, clamped it with Quick Gems, and then pressed a button, causing Quick Gems to shit out a gem onto your hair. The gem sandwiched your hair, and you took it off by twisting it. Here’s that glamorous mess in action:

The opulence!

It looks like Conair doesn’t make Quick Gems anymore, but you can get a new one on eBay, and you really should think about it. Because when you finally get out of quarantine and see your friends, they won’t notice that your skin is the shade of a dehydrated corpse from only existing on a diet of fried carbs, and they won’t notice that you reek of bleach from constantly disinfecting yourself with Clorox wipes out of paranoia, and they won’t notice that your eyes are a new kind of bloodshot from playing 23 hours of Animal Crossing. They won’t notice any of that because their eyes will be captured by the sparkly beauty of the cheap gem clinging to your ratty hair, and they’ll say, “Holy shit, you look stunning! Are you rich now? Did you win the lottery?

Pic: Amazon

SHARE
Our commenting rules: Don't be racist or bigoted, or get into long-ass fights, or go way off topic when not in an Open Post. Also, promoting adblockers is not allowed. And some comment threads will be pre-moderated, so it may take a second for your comment to show up if it's approved.

src="https://c.statcounter.com/922697/0/f674ac4a/1/"
alt="drupal analytics" >