There’s been drama surrounding Britney Spears and Instagram for a bit. First, her 13-year-old son hit Instagram Live to bitch about her father, which led to rumors that Brit’s quitting music. Then she pleaded with fans to stop posting mean comments on her endless Red Room selfies. This was followed by a Marxist-esque post about redistribution of wealth. And yesterday, Our Lady of
Cheetos Land Speed Records claimed she did the 100-meter dash in under 6 seconds, which is much, much faster than Usain Bolt’s record of 9.58 seconds.
Well, now Britney is saying, “LOL, y’all, that was just a lil’ prank!” In the caption of a fun flamenco fashion video, Britney claims she was joking about her 100-meter time.
Here’s the post:
View this post on Instagram
Okay I guess I’m bored …. in my home for two weeks of quarantine and I’m modeling dresses I never knew I had 😂😂👗👠💕🙄 !!!! I tried to screen shot a picture but it didn’t work 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️ I realized I had my hair in a pony tail and no shoes 😂😂😅 anyhow I got this cute video !!! I was tired of being still so I got up to go dance in this orange dress 💃🏼 ….. and do you know what I just learned today ??!? That orange symbolizes wealth, success, stimulation, happiness, fun, balance, sexuality, enjoyment, expression, heat, sunshine, and warmth ☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️🧘🏼♀️ and that’s how I felt when I put it on !!!!!! PS …. obviously I was joking about running the 100 meter dash in 5.97 seconds …. the world record is held by Usain Bolt which is 9.58 seconds …. but you better believe I’m coming for the world record 😂 !!!! #joking #workbitch
Britney has since deleted the original Instagram post (ummm, doesn’t really support the whole “joke” defense), but here’s a screenshot:
To Brit’s credit, she did include a winky emoji, which is either code for “let’s fuck” or “this is a joke”. So maybe she was pulling a fast one (like, a really fast one). Further proof that Britney is “Carol’s Second Act-ing” as an alt-comedian is this video she posted yesterday.
I mean, I genuinely chuckled. And Britney’s right. We need laughter more than ever. So keep the comedy coming, girl! WAIT. What if Britney’s entire career has been some long Andy Kaufman-esque performance piece? Like that year Joaquin Phoenix was extra-assholey? Oh god, is Kevin Federline even real? Or just Jamie Kennedy in facial prosthetics?!