Ariana Grande Is Quarantined With Her New Realtor Boyfriend

March 25, 2020 / Posted by:

Walking ponytail, Ariana Grande, is just like us. She’s holed up in her house, hanging with pets, wasting time on social media, and getting the corona fucked outta her by a new boyfriend. The boyfriend is Dalton Gomez.

You may remember Dalton from his earlier work as Mystery Makeout Dude At Bar”. Sigh. Remember a time when two people could suck face in public without wearing masks or getting hissed at? Our grandkids will never believe us when we spin such fantastical yarns. “Granny. What is a ‘pooblic bar’? Cough cough. Was it… under the ‘sun’?”

Obsessed fans identified Dalton by analyzing Ariana’s Instagram stories and the tattoos on his arm. Here’s the evidence Dalton is Ari’s quarantine partner:

 

Dalton’s got a private Instagram, but his bio links to a fancy $3 million house he’s trying to sell. Elle says he’s a “luxury home realtor”¬†and helped Ariana find her current L.A. house. According to an old Instagram Story someone had the forethought to screenshot, he also hangs out with Miley Cyrus:

This is Ariana’s first semi-public relationship since the 2018 saga that was Pete Davidson. Hopefully this one doesn’t involve a bunch of hasty tattoos, scary Instagram posts and a father abandoning his child swine. How could you, Pete?! Piggy Smallz loved you! He counted on you! Dalton better make an extra effort to get in good with Piggy, or that little rebel will shit in his shoes while oinking, “You’ll never be my real dad!”

Pic: Wenn.com

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