Asian-American actress Emma Stone was supposed to get married this past weekend, but, alas, this darn coronavirus has forced her to postpone. Emma got engaged to former Saturday Night Live segment director, Dave McCary, in December. Their wedding was supposed to be in Los Angeles, but a specific location wasn’t mentioned on the invitations. Oo, how covert. But not slick enough to outrun a pandemic!
31-year-old Emma met 34-year-old Dave when she hosted SNL in December of 2016. They went public with their love the following fall. Dave asked Emma to marry him with a pretty lil’ pearl ring that he paid less than five grand for. Far less extravagant than the engagement ring his co-worker, Colin Jost, gave Scarlett Johansson. That thing is $400,000 of pure brown uggo. I would on-purpose let it fall down a well (along with that potato in a suit, Jost), and collect the insurance.
But enough about yacking about trees and potatoes. Dave and Emma haven’t set a new wedding date yet. Thankfully, Emma is a very well paid celebrity, so what’s a few dollars lost? Just star in another Louis Vuitton ad. That oughta net you a cool million! This isn’t the first celeb wedding victim of COVID-19. Dennis Quaid also had to delay the nuptials to his child bride.
You’d think Emma would be brave enough to face a measly viral pandemic on her big day. I mean, she starred in both Zombieland movies. If she was any kind of serious actress, she woulda gone full Jared Leto Method and picked up some tricks to fend off the infected. Because you can totally shoot this invisible virus! Like, I heard, if you stare down the barrel of a gun, you can actually see corona. It looks like the little green Mucinex dude. He dances all over your hands and mouth and takes tiny green shits everywhere. Sounds like a fun wedding guest to me!