Ever since wrapping up a very successful awards season, William Bradley Pitt has retired to his pottery studio to escape the spotlight, making only occasional forays out into the world to attend concerts and eat In-N-Out with Alia Shawkat, his artistic young friend with a severe haircut. Despite rumors to the contrary, Brad insists that he and Alia are just friends, and I believe him. Brad’s one true love is obviously his carefully curated collection of hobo hats.
Alia is best known for playing Maeby Fünke on Arrested Development, and more recently for her role on the TBS show Search Party. Brad is best known for his divorce. The two first sparked romance rumors last November when they attended an art gallery event together. Then they were seen together at Kanye West’s opera at The Hollywood Bowl. While they were certainly both there, Brad’s actual dates were Little Ralphie (his beloved grey newsboy lid) and Old Deuteronomy (his busted brown gentleman sharecropper’s hat, named well before the CATS movie came out FYI) respectively. So when TMZ reports that on March 8th (before the Rona had us on lock-down), Brad and Alia were spotted getting In-N-Out the day after attending a Thundercat concert together, don’t go jumping to conclusions. It’s more like Brad and Old Deuteronomy went to In-N-Out together after a passionate night of lovemaking, and Alia also happened to be there.
The “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood” star and Ali were spotted at In-N-Out in L.A. the day after they both also hit up a Thundercat show at The Wiltern. Brad, seen wearing the same hat he wore at the concert, used to be one party animal — no word if he went animal style at the burger joint.
As we reported … Brad and Alia hanging out is nothing new for them. They’ve been going to concerts, comedy shows, museums and galleries together for months. As friends, that is.
Brad’s special babies were neglected for so long during awards season, you’d be crazy to think he has any time whatsoever to think about dating a human woman! Wilfred Brimley, his favorite straw hat, requires mending. His trusted Fedora, Fats McCool, needs to be cleaned with a Q-tip BY HAND. And his best gal Eleanor, that slouchy 90s beanie that saw him through 2 divorces, requires constant handling and worship. Brad simply does not have the time to date Alia, or anybody for that matter. Besides, Alia’s obviously too enamored with her buckled witch shoe collection to have her head turned by the likes of Brad Pitt.