Even in 2020, when y’all see her name pop up in the news, y’all know that story is headed in any direction. Naomi Campbell, supermodel and the scourge of personal assistants everywhere, recently shot a video for her popular Being Naomi YouTube channel. And in it, she explains the reasoning for her recent stroll through LAX in a hazmat suit––among other delightful and totally relatable topics. Strap in boys and girls: this one’s a doozy (even for Naomi).
First off, this six-minute clip begins with a terrified assistant advancing on Naomi with a sharp object. And before you can say, “it’s about GOT DAMN time”, you realize that this sharp object is a tool for inserting ear seeds (don’t ask) onto Naomi’s pressure points, in an effort to help “balance the heart and mind” and “reset the nervous system”.
Okay, elephant in the room here: so everybody knows that Naomi likes to throw tantrums, and occasionally heavy objects, in the direction of people with whom she takes issue. Now fast forward a few years and she’s apparently the face of cool, calm and collected? Already I’m smelling bullshit. But no, according to People Magazine, this holistic acupuncture treatment eases her anxiety surrounding coronavirus and flying.
But back to the video. Cut to images of Naomi’s now-iconic, Amazon-bought airport look––all $15.99 of it––flashing across the screen. No matter which court appointment or fabulous beach she’s running towards, Naomi always brings the glamour.
“This is it. This is my precaution. What do you think?” the supermodel says with a laugh in the video. “In all honesty, this is not a funny time. It’s not a humorous time. I’m not doing this for laughs. This is how I feel comfortable traveling.”
The final gag is that Naomi, who has been very transparent about her totally normal international flight routine in the past, insists that she’s been dressing and sanitizing for YEARS at airports––and now, with the presence of coronavirus, Naomi finally felt it necessary to document her travel tips where they will live online forever. So the next time YOU are boarding your $50,000 Air Emirates flight to meet up with your billionaire boyfriend at Cannes, you’ll know how to stay safe.
For example, if you’re lounging in your first-class cabin and you notice that they don’t have your preferred brand of diamond-encrusted truffle almonds…and they try to pawn off a bag of Planters on you instead, don’t risk transmitting germs to the air attendant with hand-to-hand contact. Simply whip the item at the woman’s head and scream your displeasure from the safety and comfort of your seat.
Seriously though, maybe Naomi has a new mission in life. Maybe delivering disease awareness via YouTube videos is her next calling. One takeaway from this story that will stay with me forever is the idea of Naomi being afraid of something. Think about that. I mean, who knew that Naomi Fucking Campbell was afraid of anything (except poor people and store-bought diamonds)?
“We cannot live in fear”
-Naomi Campbell, 2020
Fortunately for the coronavirus (not a sentence I thought I’d be typing today), it hasn’t met Naomi…because it’s plaguing, hateful ass wouldn’t stand a chance.