Well, shit, y’all. My date nights just got ruined. The aisles at Costco may be clogged with people stocking up on 900-piece chicken tender platters and 800-roll toilet paper bushels ahead of coronavirus panic, but some of us budget bitches bypassed membership altogether and just went straight to the food court. Life hack alert! You didn’t need to mooch off your mom’s Costco card to get into the Shangri-La of $1.50 hot dog and Cokes. Well, that used to be a life hack alert.
The number crunchers at Costco must have realized that some of us (yes, me) were avoiding membership and spending Sunday brunch hours munching on cheap food court eats before sneaking in the back way to hit up a few of those sample stands. Sigh. Now, Costco is going to make us all pay to step foot inside those mammoth garage doors out front.
People says multiple big box retail snitches let them know signs have been posted at Costcos around the country warning people that, on March 16, you better transfer $60 to your checking account for at least a basic Costco membership because they’re going to start carding your ass for hot dogs and chicken bakes.
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⚡️UPDATE: THIS HAS BEEN CONFIRMED! May still vary per store and roll out date may vary as well… . 🤔Received a ton of DMs on this today…and need some #Costco Employees to chime in and confirm or deny and let us know if this is true or not and if true be nationwide? . 🌭🍕To us it makes complete sense! Not sure why it’s taken Costco so long to implement…I mean you have to have a membership for gas….Any employees out there that can help clarify this?😍
OK, so per this Instagram account I never knew I needed to follow, this still may be on a store-by-store basis and the start date is also dependent by market. Some people are, of course, pissed and have taken to the internet to share their feelings:
“Boooooooooo!!!! 👎🏽👎🏽👎🏽👎🏽 We don’t always have our membership cards on us. What about those unplanned quick hot dog/pizza lunches?!? How is this meant to be more convenient? Seems like a way to keep poor people off the property. Not cool!”
Food snobs might say it’s time to upgrade and hit up the neighborhood Panera, but F that! You know what else isn’t cool? Costco had jack shit to say about this! They chose not to comment when it came to bringing the iron curtain down on their cheap-ass eats. Time to revolt! Oh, who am I even kidding? Costco is an evil genius, and I’ll surely spend the $60 each year just so I can keep access to the treats. Fine, and the 1,000-pack of Trojans and 900-gallon bottle of lube because a ho can dream big.
Pic: Wikimedia Commons