Hot Slut Of The Day!

March 2, 2020 / Posted by:

Danka!

Danka may look like what a stupid non-German speaker comes up with while trying to spell “danke” (GUILTY), or like the name of Laganja Estranja’s cheap drag queen cousin. But in the 1970s, Danka was the name of a toaster pastry from the food company Birds Eye who thought that Danka was a really great name for a toaster pastry.

Danka pushed itself as being the threeway baby of a danish, a turnover, and a “French pastry.” It was apparently like Toaster Strudel but puffier. And Birds Eye sold Danka as the perfect thing for the person who wanted their toaster pastry to do more than pop. Hmm, I wonder how many false advertising lawsuits were filed against Birds Eye by customers who also expected Danka to do their dishes, give them a handy, and cut their coke lines (it was the 70s).

And this Danka commercial from 1970 stars a man who looks like he took a break from reporting about the Apollo 13 mission on the nightly news to sell us a toaster pastry with the enthusiasm of an unimpressed rock:

Danka didn’t last very long, and I’m not even sure it made it out of 1970. And since 1970 was before my time, I never got to put that WTF-named toaster pastry in my mouth. But well, I guess I sort of eat a Danka every time I shove a French pastry, a danish, and a turnover in my mouth at the same time while crying about the state of my life.

Pic: Cheapism

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