E.L. James’ “The Mister” Is Going To Be A Movie

February 26, 2020 / Posted by:

E.L. James, the lady behind the Fifty Shades books, probably earns another $100K every time she writes the word “quivering,” and here I am doing it for peanuts. Big, bulging, quivering peanuts, but peanuts all the same. According to Celebrity Net Worth, E.L. ‘s quivered her way to a $150 million fortune. And that was in 2018 before the release of her latest best-seller, The Mister, which to my surprise is NOT about a sophisticated aristocrat who slums it during the summer months by running around various theme parks and with a squirt bottle and a raging boner. No, it’s about a sophisticated aristocrat who slums it during the summer months by running around with “his Albanian housekeeper, unaware that she is on the run from human traffickers” and a raging boner. And according to Variety, soon The Mister‘s protagonist Maxim Trevelyan’s quivering member will be coming to/in/on a movie theater near you.

Variety Reports:

Following the massive success of the “Fifty Shades of Grey” trilogy, Universal and author E. L. James are reteaming on the scribe’s next novel as the studio has optioned the rights to “The Mister,” James’ 2019 best-selling romance.

Rights for the book, which recently hit the market, sparked a heated bidding war. James, who produced every film in the “Fifty Shades” trilogy, returns to produce this adaptation, which tells the story of a wealthy British aristocrat who falls in love with his Albanian housekeeper, unaware that she is on the run from human traffickers.

“The Mister” was on the New York Times Best Seller list for nine weeks and has sold in 33 territories/languages internationally.

And with passages like this, its no wonder.

No wonder.

Fuck.

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Let the dream casting begin! As I mentioned already, the male protagonist is named Maxim Trevelyan. His “reticent, beautiful, and musically gifted” housekeeper is named Alessia Demachi. No word yet if E.L. will decide to take my character suggestion and include Faison, Maxim’s manservant/sex dwarf in the movie. If she does, I expect to be paid not in peanuts, but with an enormous, whale-sized, quivering phallus made entirely of Jell-O (or cash equivalent).

Pic: Arrow Publishing

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