Open Post: Hosted By The Smell Of The World’s Handsomest Man

February 17, 2020 / Posted by:

Ever wonder what the handsomest man in the world smells like? Apparently, all you have to do is ask! According to E! News, Robert Pattison, who is currently, according to science, the handsomest man on the entire planet, told Allure Magazine that he smells like crayons. More specifically, like he’s been embalmed. I myself am no scientist, but I’ve made some quick calculations and have determined that this sounds about right.

E! reports:

In an interview with Allure magazine, posted on Saturday, the 33-year-old Twilight alum and star of the upcoming film The Batman describes the, er, colorful way he smells.

“Lots of people tell me I smell like a crayon,” he said.

Pattinson was then asked, “Like you’re made of wax?”

“Yes!” he replied. “Like I’m embalmed.”

So there you have it, if you’re going to draw a picture of the handsomest man in the world, go for the Cadaver Crayola to give it that extra verisimilitude. Robert also talked about what it’s like being hotter than *checks notes* literally every other man on the planet. He says “it’s weird.” Again, I’m not very scientifically astute, but after running the numbers several times, I have determined this to be an understatement. If my calculations are correct, and I’m sure 99.9999999999 percent sure that they are, it’s factually absurd. Here’s Robert’s response.

“It’s weird,” he said. “I never was really up for the good-looking-guy roles, because I’ve always been quite awkward when meeting people. My Harry Potter role was a good-looking guy, and it was a shock that it was quite easy to get. And then in Twilight, [Edward is] beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. When I turned up for the audition, I had done a job where I’d dyed my hair black, but I had an inch and a half of roots, and I had waxed my body. And then I had a few months where I’d been drinking beer all day, so I had this hairless, chubby body. I looked like a baby with a wig on.”

Scientifically speaking, he’s never looked better.


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