The Throuple on House Hunters!
Today is the completely real holiday of Valentine’s Day, and if you’re a single bitch, you may be spending your night crying about dying alone outside of a 24-hour Walgreens while waiting for the clock to strike 12:01 so your tears can air dry as you run inside to buy all the 50% off candy your arms can carry. Me too! And honestly, it could be worse. You could be one of the throuple members above, and have to run to Walgreens right after work to buy not one, but two, generic ass teddy bears before running home to wash and wax your holes for some threesome VD fun. Yes, I know that’s not worse. I was just trying to make us feel better.
HGTV has been progressive for as long as I’ve been watching them. Centuries ago, they had gay couples on their shows without making a big deal out of it. It proved that everyone is just looking for a house with a balcony that they can see themselves having their morning coffee on. Well, HGTV did it again and featured a throuple for the first time on an episode of House Hunters that aired on Wednesday. Deranged flamingo Frankie Grande must be livid!
Brian and Lori (the lady and dude on the right) have been married since 2002. They have two children together, ages 10 and 12. Brian said that when he dated Lori, she let him know she’s bi-sexual. Years later, they met Geli, which is short for Angellica, in a bar, and the three later became a throuple. Four years ago, Geli moved into the Texas home that Brian and Lori shared with their two kids. Brian and Lori haven’t married Geli, because DUH, but they did have a commitment ceremony in Aruba.
Brian got a new job in Colorado Springs, CO, so the family of five moved there. They were on House Hunters to find a place with a budget of $500,000. It was like a crossover episode of Three’s Company and HH, only with two Janets. It was also mostly like any other episode of HH. One wanted a white kitchen! One wanted a fireplace! One wanted views! Only, unlike other episodes of HH, they had to keep reminding us that they’re each getting double the ass. They let us know they need a master bath with three sinks and a house with a three-car garage because they’re a throuple!
— dissociate manager (@ericschmerick) February 13, 2020
Many of us know that the house hunting on House Hunters is fake. The buyers have already closed on the home they end up choosing and just pretend to be interested in the other two homes featured on the show. The throuple went with a house that didn’t have a three-car garage or three sinks in the master bath, and they paid $525,000 for it. At the end the show, we saw them making plans to add a third sink.
For me, House Hunters is also two game shows in one show. Because not only do I guess which house they went with, but I also guess if the couple on the show is going to end up getting divorced or not. I’m not sure about this throuple, but I’m leaning toward yes, because one of them is probably going to quit that bitch after fighting over two sinks while they’re all brushing their teeth.