Open Post: Hosted By Papa John’s Papadia

Since every fast food chain in the fast food game has to try to come up with their own Popeyes Fried Chicken Sandwich, Papa John’s has butt burped up their answer. They have sharted out a revolutionary product that has never been done before and definitely can’t be achieved just by folding over a slice of pizza. They have served up what would come out of a pizza’s poon after it bareback boned a quesadilla. Papa John’s is now selling the Papadia, which sounds like the name of a demon that possesses your body and causes you to barf from all of your holes. A fitting name, I say!

USA Today says that soon, people will hear their doctors tell them, “You know, just go ahead and inject the fish oil directly into your heart,” when they see the screams of a heart attack in their blood work after downing several Papadias dipped in butter sauce. The Papadia is on sale now, costs $6 each, and is being marketed as a lunchtime item but will be available to buy all day. It comes in four different varieties: Italian, Philly Cheesesteak, Grilled BBQ Chicken & Bacon, and Meatball Pepperoni. And each one comes with a dipping sauce and a pepperoncini. The Takeout’s Allison Robicelli tried all four, and said that the BBQ Chicken Papadia is the only Papadia that is complete garbage.

Shaq, who owns nine Papa John’s franchises and joined the board last year, loves the Papadia, of course:

The self-described “pizza fanatic” told USA TODAY that “tasting top-secret, unreleased products” is one of the best parts of the job.

“I can tell you, I couldn’t put down this new menu item that combines everything you love about pizza and sandwiches into one meal,” O’Neal said in a statement to USA TODAY.

Shaq became the first black person to join Papa John’s board after its founder, John Schnatter, was forced out for using the N-word during a conference call. That sweaty fleshball with Jersey Shore brows later gave a batshit interview where he said that the company’s pizza isn’t what it used to be (like when he was in charge) and he knows because he’s had 40 pizzas in 30 days. He acts like he’s not into Papa John’s pizza anymore, but please, you know he’s still Papa Jones-ing for some Papa John’s. That is why every PJ’s employee needs to be on high alert! If they see John Schnatter running toward them with a wide open mouth and wild eyes, jump out of the way! John will be trying to get his mouth around a Papadia and will swallow anything in its path! And a PJ’s employee doesn’t want to get stuck in the cheese-filled stomach of a Fallen Papa John, waiting for him to schnat them out. That’ll ruin their 2020 completely.

Pic: Papa John’s