Afternoon Crumbs

January 20, 2020 / Posted by:

32-year-old NFL player Tim Tebow married 24-year-old former Miss Universe and hyphen hoarder Demi-Leigh Nel-Peters in South Africa. Tim was a proud vagina virgin who said he was going to wait until marriage. The two have already pimped the details of their wedding celebrations to People and all over Instagram, but yet they didn’t tell us who made Tim’s chastity groom belt. They deserve some credit because I didn’t hear anything about how Demi-Leigh and several guests were injured after a mighty powerful jizz load tore through Tim’s pants as soon as he was told he could kiss the bride. That’s one strong belt! – Just Jared

The Best Picture Oscar could come down to 1917 and Parasite since both picked up major awards over the weekend, and while Parasite should get it, 1917 probably will since the Academy loves to jack off “prestige films” that nobody will remember in a month – Lainey Gossip 

Doolittle flopped but didn’t achieve Cats-levels of floppage – Pajiba

Thomas Markle, who is throwing away any future relationship with his daughter for a check, is shaking his head at her for throwing away a royal life for a check – Celebitchy

Rita Ora is still in a bathing suit, in case you were wondering – Drunken Stepfather

Ashley Graham is now a mom – E! News

If Liberace woke up in the body of Elvis one day, this is what he’d wear – Popoholic

Pic: Instagram

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