Martha Stewart Is Not Impressed With Gwyneth Paltrow’s Vagina Candle

January 17, 2020 / Posted by:

Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagine scented incendiary device is still sold out on Goop, and Martha Stewart wants you to know she certainly didn’t buy one, nor would she ever acknowledge anything so crass and stupid. Us Weekly reports that on a recent episode of Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen, Martha opened up an enormous hand-dyed silk parasol and carved out a spot of shade for Gwyneth’s latest scheme to, as Martha put it, “zhush up the public to listen to her.” Fuck Martha & Snoop’s Potluck Dinner Party. I want to see Martha & Dr. Jen. Gunter’s Goop Tea Party on my TV immediately.

Martha loves to let Gwyneth know that she was taking other rich white ladies to the cleaners long before Gwyeth caught on to the scam. And she’s the queen of genteel belittlement (band name alert). So when a viewer called in and asked her about Goop’s $75 candle, she had this to say:

“I’m sure it’s sold out. She does that kind of irritating … she’s trying to zhush up the public to listen to her. And that’s great, I mean, let her do her thing. I wouldn’t buy that candle.”

Oh Martha, please never change. While she’s definitely got Gwyneth’s number, surprisingly, she seems totally clueless about her customer base.

When host Andy Cohen asked the lifestyle expert what it said about America that enough people were buying a candle allegedly smelling like Paltrow’s vagina that it’s no longer available, Stewart used her marketing expertise to draw her official conclusion.

“I think it’s just a lot of guys who are horny,” the businesswoman quipped.

Now, Martha, come on. Horny guys? I’m really trying to imagine some perv so excited at the prospect of beating one out to the aroma of Gwyneth’s pussy that they’d spend $75 at Goop when they could just as easily run their ass down to the swap meet and pick up a 24 pack of Pussy scented incense for $2.50.

Here’s Martha doing what she does best (besides making artisanal license plates).

Pic: YouTube

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