Zara Tindall picked the right month to get her driver’s license yanked by the cops after getting caught speeding around her neighborhood. Because something tells me it’s not exactly going to register on her granny’s bad behavior radar at the moment. I don’t know, just a hunch.
BBC News reports that Queen Elizabeth’s eldest granddaughter was pulled over by police in her Land Rover in November near her home in Gloucestershire for going 91mph in a 70pmh area. I drive in kmp, so I did a quick conversion to understand how fast Zara was going, and holy shit, that’s really fucking fast, Zara! Especially in a Land Rover. Did she learn nothing from when her grandpa Prince Philip got t-boned in his Land Rover? Those things are obviously cursed to royals. Then again, maybe it’s that stretch of road that’s cursed. Zara’s mom Princess Anne was pulled over for speeding on the exact same stretch of road in 2001, after going literally only two mph faster than Zara was.
Back in 2001, Anne delivered a bogus-sounding excuse for why she was speeding (she thought the cops pulling her over were a police escort to help her get home faster). Zara didn’t get so creative – she admitted wrongdoing, and was hit with 4 demerit points for speeding. That would be okay if she had a clean license, but apparently an “Eh, whatever” attitude runs in the family. Because Zara already had nine demerits on her license. In the UK, you’re allowed up to 12 points, then your license is taken away. Zara had 13, which is why she’s now banned from driving. For the time being, of course.
There were no special exceptions made for Zara, and her license was suspended for six months. Prosecutors said that she wasn’t eligible for a “fixed penalty” because, uh oh, she’s got too many demerit points, so their hands were tied. On top of that, she’s been ordered to pay an $870 fine plus costs, and a victim surcharge fine of $197. Again, if she wants that paid ASAP with no questions, she should hit up granny right now. Granny’s got loads of extra cash now that she’s got two less senior royals on the payroll.
Speaking of, I wonder how Zara will get around town now? She’s got two kids, and I’m sure her husband, retired footballer Mike Tindall, could do some of the driving. But this might be a great opportunity to give her cousin Prince Harry some real-world work experience. After all, Harry has very explicitly said that he wants to work a real job for the first time in his life. And what’s realer than working as an Uber driver? That’s if he can get the hang of the app.
“Darling cousin, I know I’m 2 hours late, but I can’t pick you up with my car until my chauffeur arrives with it. Wait – what do you mean I have to provide my own car? Where the hell do you get a car from, the car store?! Help, this is hard!”