Meanwhile…. Reese Witherspoon
mean-mugged Brad Pitt
and was about two glasses of champagne away from unleashing her true self, Laura Jeanne Poon
, to issue a very belated Tennessee-style ass whoopin’ on him for betraying her TV sister many, many years ago.
When Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston were both nominated for Golden Globes
(he won, and she lost to Olivia Colman
for The Crown
), all of us (read: none of us) figured it was just an elaborate ruse to get them into the same room again
so they can once and for all rekindle the everlasting love that’s been simmering in the both of them for decades (or maybe that simmering is constant gas from IBS? Who knows!). But the joke’s on all of us. They didn’t need to rekindle their love at the Golden Globes, because they’re obviously back together. The proof: Jennifer smiled and pretended to laugh at his jokes.
Brad Pitt won Best Performance By A Supporting Actor In A Motion Picture for playing Brad Pitt in Once Upon Some Feet… In Hollywood.
While accepting his big-headed dildo trophy, Brad let his co-star Leonardo DiCaprio
know that he’d make room on the “raft
” (it was a door, Brad!) for Jack, and also joked that he wanted to bring his mom as his date but couldn’t because every time he gets photographed next to a woman
, everyone says he’s dating her. And Brad Pitt ain’t no Shia LaBeouf
! That’s when we got a shot of Jennifer Aniston in the audience, smiling and laughing at Brad’s words. Honestly, I’m a little disappointed in the GG producers. They should’ve aired a side-by-side shot of Brad accepting his award and Jennifer reacting to his speech in the audience, and they should’ve had a body language expert on hand to tell us that Jennifer is laughing because she’s trying to distract us from the fact that her loins are exploding from the sight of her true love!
Before the show, Brad told Entertainment Tonight
that Jen is a “good friend
” and that he’ll probably run into her at one point:
“I’ll run into Jen, she’s a good friend. Yeah,” Pitt told ET’s Kevin Frazier when told the whole world wants a photo of the two of them.
“The second most important reunion of her year? I understand,” he jokingly continued, adding, “That was a play on Friends. They were saying that.”
And later on, they were both seen at CAA’s after-party:
“After party,” uh huh. More like surprise wedding where Jennifer and Brad finally fulfilled their destiny by remarrying… and then Angie Jolie showed up in a cloud of smoke with police officers to arrest Brad since he’s technically still married and bigamy is illegal in California. Now Brad’s fortune and their children are all Angie’s and Angie’s alone, and Brad and Jen are still the biggest star-crossed lovers of our time!