Happy New Year From A Mad Ass Pope

January 1, 2020 / Posted by:

2020 is brand new and there’s already a debate on whether or not it was okay for Pope Frances to slappity slap at the hand of a disciple who grabbed at him as though she was a Lush employee and he barely stepped into the store, or like insomnia grabbing at me at 3am right when I’m about to finally fall asleep after staring at the ceiling for 4 hours. Yes, 2019 ended with a Pope slap and 2020 is starting with a debate about that mess. So much for Dry January, pour me a drank.

While greeting his subjects last night, one bold Pope fan grabbed at him as he was about to sashay away and pulled him toward her. Pope Franny’s face went from calm and serene to pissed the fuck off and he let the woman know that wasn’t okay by slapping at her hand, a punishment harsher than what many child-touching Catholic priests have received. It’s a good thing the woman didn’t try to kiss his ring too or she’d probably see stars and angels around her after getting a holy headbutt by The Pope, or he’d go full Catholic abuelita on her by taking off his chancleta to slap at her with.

The Guardian says that during his New Year’s Day address this morning, Pope Franny spoke against violence toward women and also apologized for losing it.

During his Angelus address to a packed St Peter’s Square on New Year’s Day, the pontiff referred to his actions. “I apologise for the bad example yesterday … sometimes even I lose patience,” he said.

You know he was clenching his teeth harder than that woman clenched onto his hand while saying that line, because I’m sure what he really wanted to do was quote Prophet Lil Jon by saying, “Don’t start no shit, it won’t be no shit.”

Pic: Reuters

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