My teen self denounced Gwen Stefani as the +~*cOOleST gUuuurrrlL*~+ in the world when she got with the humanization of TruckNutz™ that is Blake Shelton in what I’m still telling myself is a long, long, long con to continue to promote The Voice. Gwen and Blake have been together for over four years, and there’s been wedding rumors ever since. But Gwen still hasn’t walked down an aisle of moose carcasses (hunted by Blake) while wearing a camo dress as he waits for her in a three-piece lumberjack plaid suit under an altar of rifle bullets. And once again, we’re hearing that Gwen and Blake haven’t gotten married because she’s really Catholic and won’t get married until her marriage to Gavin Rossdale is annulled by the church. Uh huh, “really Catholic“? If strict Catholic abuelitas, like my abuelita, ran the church, Gwen wouldn’t have to worry about getting her marriage annulled, because they’d kick out her grande mujerzuela ass for being a sinful hussy slut floozy who shacked up with a man she didn’t marry in the eyes of God!
Last year, Us Weekly said that Gwen wants to get married to Blake through the Catholic Church and she can’t do that until she takes a holy water-dipped Magic Eraser to her first marriage. And now a source tells Straight From The Publicist’s Mouth Magazine (aka People) that Gwen and Blake are serious about getting married and they want to, but since she’s a practicing Roman Catholic and her religion is important to her, she wants to get married by the church and it’s currently not possible for obvious reasons.
“Blake was very serious about Gwen right from the start, and early on he thought about proposing,” says a Stefani insider. But the former No Doubt rocker, who is a practicing Roman Catholic, hopes to have a church ceremony with the country star.
Gwen and Gavin were married for around 14 years. They have three sons together. Their divorce was finalized in April 2016 when she was already with Blake.
I spoke with a prestigious Roman Catholic studies professor from Ireland named Dr. Google McThreeSecondSearch and he tells me that any length of marriage can be annulled and there’s no time limit on when you can request an annulment after the marriage ended. But your chances of getting an annulment are greater the less time you wait to request one after your marriage ends. Grounds for an annulment include incest, bigamy, not wanting children, being underage at the time of marriage, and going into the marriage knowing you have no plans to keep your genitals to yourself and your spouse only, etc. So Gwen better hope her 23andMe results come back as her being Gavin’s 9th cousin 4th removed, or she should just show this to the Catholic Church.
Even though Gwen was married for a while, had children with Gavin, and is waiting a minute to get that annulment, there’s still a chance she can get it. Ted Kennedy was granted an annulment in the 90s from his first wife and mother of three of his children Joan Kennedy. They were married for 25 years and their divorce was finalized in 1983. Ted was given the annulment after reportedly admitting he wasn’t being honest when he vowed to be faithful. Yes, Ted got an annulment after confessing that he lied in front of God! That Catholic Church, $$$$$o forgiving.
Who knows if Gwen even started the annulment process. Maybe she has and her check wasn’t big enough. Or maybe she still has an ounce of sense in her and doesn’t want to marry Blake, so every time he gets on one knee to propose, she pulls the “But I’m a strict Catholic girl” card.
But while trying to find out what’s going on with Gwen’s annulment, I found this completely real picture that seems to give us an answer:
Here’s a close-up of that letter:
Looks like Gwen will just have to settle for a sacrilegious marriage with Blake!