Don’t Worry, Weed Distributors Everywhere, You Don’t Have To Head To The Unemployment Office Yet

Every single member of the marijuana industry probably put their house on the market and Nair’d their hole in preparation for selling ass to pay their bills after reading this from Page Six:

But weed dealers can go ahead and take their house off the market and let their holes get hairy again, because it’s only been reported that Willie Nelson has stopped “smoking.” So that means Willie has probably replaced his in-house joint roller and bong packer (please tell me Willie had his own in-house joint roller like Snoop Dogg) with a Le Cordon Bleu-trained edibles chef. We can all breathe a marijuana-infused sigh of relief. Well, everyone except for Willie since his lungs have fucked with his toking.

In August, 86-year-old Willie canceled his tour due to breathing problems from having jacked up lungs. But having a pair of lungs that might look like a pile of burnt Brolin buttholes didn’t keep Ole’ Willie down for long. Willie is back out on the road! And while in San Antonio, TX, he talked to KSAT-TV, and let the Texas State Trooper knows to keep their sirens off if they see his tour bus drive by, because they won’t find it filled with more weed smoke than Snoop’s chonies after Snoop lays a fart. Willie has broken up with his bong.

“I have abused my lungs quite a bit in the past, so breathing is a little more difficult these days and I have to be careful. I started smoking cedar bark, went from that to cigarettes to whatever. And that almost killed me. I don’t smoke anymore – take better care of myself.”

But TMZ tells us the obvious. While Willie’s lungs are no longer being touched by weed smoke, his spirit still slow dances with Mary Jane through vaping and edibles. Willie has his own weed company and he doesn’t want the earth’s core to explode with shock, so he still gets high. Sources also say that Willie’s health is doing okay and he may reunite with his bong in the future.

Willie quitting smoking weed is definitely better for his lungs, but it’s not better for the environment. And by that I mean the stoner birds, bees, and butterflies who constantly flew around Willie like he was a Stoner Snow White (Weed Green?) since he always had a joint in his mouth and constantly blew out weed smoke that they’d get secondhand high from. Poor stoner birds, bees, and butterflies. And if you’re ever wondering what constant weed use does to the brain, just re-read that dumb shit I wrote about Willie Nelson being a Stoner Snow White.

Pic: YouTube