Us regular people on the outside don’t have to look very hard to find the current most embarrassing member of Britain’s Royal Family. Try as he might, Prince Andrew’s can’t seem to shake his friendship with Jeffrey Epstein. But if you were to ask Queen Elizabeth about him, she might say, “Sorry, can’t find any embarrassment here! Nothing but a perfect special prince, case closed – try Edward, maybe he’s got a skeleton in his closet.” But Andrew’s first class ticket on the Lack of Accountability Express might be over once Prince Charles takes over as King.
There’s enough pictures and rumors and stories that proves Prince Andrew is a mess. But a source recently told The Evening Standard that The Queen “backs and believes” Andrew 100%. The Daily Beast says that Prince Charles isn’t so charmed by his little brother. A royal source also says that Charles is jealous and petty, which is exactly the formula needed to sort of cancel Andrew, apparently.
Charles landed in New Zealand for an official royal visit on Monday, and a family source says that they predict he was “bloody furious” about Andrew’s laughably bad interview with the BBC overshadowing his visit. Charles also doesn’t want to inherit a bunch of scandals when he becomes King, so he’s pissed about that. That source also implies he’s jealous of the spotlight being on Andrew for so long.
The Daily Beast spoke with royal writer Christopher Andersen, who hypothesizes that Charles is currently playing a long game in which he’ll finally get revenge on The Queen’s favorite son when she dies. Except the royal version of revenge sounds kind of like a vacation.
“Once he is king, he will almost certainly read Andrew the riot act, if he hasn’t already, strip him of many of his duties and responsibilities, and put him under the royal equivalent of what might loosely be described as house arrest – a life of unlimited luxury and pomp, of course, but under the reign of Charles III, the Duke of York’s freedom to pursue his personal appetites will be significantly curtailed.”
Oooh, take that, Andrew! When you want to get laid, you’ll have to arrange it with the front gate first! Which…is something you’re already allegedly used to. But still! Now you’re going to have to do it while Charles sneers in the corner and reminds you that you’re no longer invited to tea in the portrait room.
The Daily Beast added that there would be no love lost between Charles and his little brother, as Charles reportedly cut Andrew and his family out of the inner royal circle back in 2012. But that’s about as dramatic as it might get. Royal biographer Penny Junor tells The Daily Beast that as much as Charles would probably love to strip Andrew of his title, he won’t, because that would draw too much unwanted attention to the situation. Another source says that Charles already has enough fires to put out, what with Prince William and Prince Harry allegedly hating each other, and Duchess Meghan expressing her unhappiness.
Charles obviously wants to keep things drama free, but that’s no fun. I’m in it for the drama. I just started watching the 3rd season of The Crown, and my current favorite character is sassy no-nonsense teenage Princess Anne. And this situation makes me wish that we lived in an alternate universe where Princess Anne was able to take over when The Queen died. If real-life Princess Anne is anything like TV Princess Anne, then I’d rather see how she’d handle Andrew. I want to believe she’d pack up his shit, dump it at the palace gate, and ask Andrew, “Have you ever been surfing? No? Wonderful, you’re about to learn to couch surf. First stop – well, I don’t give a shit. Maybe Fergie’s house. BYE!”