Someone Stole All Of Sarah Jessica Parker’s Halloween Pumpkins
Sarah Jessica Parker received more tricks than treats this Halloween when she revealed that someone had stolen her Halloween decorations. No, Sarah Jessica is not missing a cardboard cut-out of Kim Cattrall wearing a black pointy hat and riding a witch’s broom. Sarah had a bunch of pumpkins that were sitting on her stoop, and some pumpkin thief took all of them.
Anyone who has ever put a pumpkin outside their house prior to Halloween night knows what kind of risk they’re taking. At best, the pumpkins remain unmoved. At worst, you might shattered pumpkin guts all over your front steps, courtesy of some drunk teens. I have a friend who once discovered a raccoon had eaten half their pumpkin. Sarah’s pumpkin sadness landed somewhere in the middle.
The pumpkins, which were apparently bought in the Berkshires and brought to Manhattan, were all taken on the evening of the 29th or morning of the 30th. The Berkshires are about a three-hour drive away from New York City, so these must have been some pumpkins. I bet the first call she made after she called the NYPD (New York Pumpkin Department) was to Cynthia Nixon, saying that she needs to run for Governor again, and this time it should be on a platform of pumpkin justice. To which Cynthia responded by pretending to write a note in the air while saying, “Uh huh, pumpkins. Got it.”
It wasn’t just their pumpkins, either. Sarah Jessica says that many pumpkins on their block were taken in the night. Luckily for Sarah Jessica Parker, Matthew Broderick and their family, they weren’t without pumpkins for very long. Page Six reports that two people stepped up and left a few pumpkins outside the Parker-Brodericks’ front door. Sarah Jessica posted about her generous pumpkin gifts, declaring that “decency is alive and well.” Thank goodness for those selfless people. I mean, Sarah Jessica Parker is literally so rich she could have chartered a private jet from Teterboro and flown back to the Berkshires to grab a dozen more. But it’s the thought that counts here.
Sarah Jessica’s declaration about decency was a correction of Matthew Broderick’s initial reaction, which was to declare that “Decency is dead.” Is it alive? Is it dead? Did the reanimated corpse of decency pull itself out of a shallow grave on Halloween night and Thriller-walked up the street to the West Village? Although I can’t disagree with Matthew’s reaction, because pumpkin-stealing is a crappy thing to do. Especially since there’s only one acceptable reason for stealing during the Halloween season. And that’s stealing as much candy as your fist can grab when you come across an unattended bowl of candy with a passive-aggressive note that says “Help Yourself to ONE ONLY.”
Pic: Wenn.com