Archives: October 2019
Aaron Sorkin Ripped Mark Zuckerberg A New One In An Open Letter
Aaron Sorkin woke up and had the time, because he let Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg fucking have it. If you’ve ever wanted to watch a rich powerful white guy snatch the wig off another rich powerful white guy, read the open letter Aaron published in The New York Times. It is full of hot scalding facts and it leaves Mark bald and crying. I loved it.
Aaron Rodgers Is Making Up With His Family
If Aaron Rodgers’ sang his own version of the song “Last Christmas,” the lyrics might go: “For the past couple Christmases, I skipped my parent’s house, because dating Olivia Munn made things weird with my fam.” But this year, Aaron might find himself eating gingerbread linebackers around the family fireplace once again.
The Dance-Themed “Today” Show Costumes Were A Beat Behind
The Today studio is haunted by the spectre of Matt Lauer dressed as Lucy from The Peanuts, and it shows. Of course, it wasn’t just Matt that brought a pox upon the Today studio that day, though he ultimately posed the greatest existential threat. October 31, 2015 was the day the earth’s core fissured, allowing Satan’s demonic load to germinate upon the soil, his evil issue taking the form of humanoid creatures capable of evil the likes of which have never been seen, in hell or on earth. The Today group costume has been whack ever since. This year’s is the worst one yet with a confusing and vague “Everybody Dance” theme. Where is the specificity? Where is the cohesion? Where is the gyrating blood lust invocation summoning the infernal damned to take their rightful place on the throne of man? Are we expected to quiver in the face of Al Roker with a Carlton Banks sweater over his shoulders and ill-fitting golf pants? Not today, Satan!
Kylie Jenner And Her Friends Went As Stripper Disney Princesses For Halloween
Kylie Jenner just had to turn the tricks this Halloween and so she and her best girlfriends all dressed up on theme. I’m sure you can guess that it was a “Slutty” something. Slutty Candles? Slutty Crayons? Slutty Dishes–like: “I’m a Slutty Saucer,” and she wears saucers over her nipples? Well no. Kylie and her girls dressed up as ho versions of Disney princesses, and honestly, I love a ho version of anything!
Nicki Minaj Claims Her New Husband Paid For Her $1.1 Million Wedding Ring
Nicki Minaj is showing off her completely modest $1.1 million wedding ring, which feels like a questionable financial decision given she’s been with her registered sex offender husband Kenneth Petty for less than a year. I know Nicki is not the queen of good decision making, but spending over a million dollars on a ring that she’ll just have to pawn off in a few months when her wedding goes bust? I know, I know, their marriage is obviously going to last until the end of eternity, and besides, Nicki didn’t buy the ring. Kenneth Petty paid for it. HAHAHAHAHAHA. That hilarious joke alone is worth over $1 million.
Kim Kardashian Believes In The Gospel Of Kanye West
Kanye West’s mouth has been working overtime recently, because he’s got a lot of things on the go that people need to hear about. He’s got a new attitude (Christian mom accessorizing her MAGA hat with a jeweled Jesus fish pin), an album to push (Jesus Is King), and a Calabasas cult to run (Kanye West’s Sunday Service). What these three things have in common is that they’re all examples of Kanye’s reinvention as someone who is suddenly very uptight and conservative. But how does his wife Kim Kardashian feel about all of this? Apparently she’s good with it.