When those of us who have read all those gay rumors and blind items heard that Jeremy Renner had made a baby with Sonni Pacheco six years ago, we shrugged and figured it was just your traditional Hollywood beard baby situation and they’d quietly break up a few months later once the contract had expired. Well, slap me and call me Susan, and not only because that’s my kink, but because I was wrong. They split up a year later and their divorce tussle slightly slid into the fuckery zone until they finally settled everything. But that was just the opening act for the explosion of shit-covered messiness that spewed out over their latest custody fight.
As they both fight for sole custody of their 6-year-old daughter Ava Berlin, they are shanking each other in a serious way with Sonni accusing Jeremy of being a violent cokey skank monster who shot a gun into the ceiling as their daughter was home, and Jeremy accusing Sonni of being a gold digging shit mom who’d rather party than take care of her child (same, Sonni, same!) and sent pictures of his Cockeye to their custody evaluator. Sonni has already asked the court for protection from Jeremy because she feels threatened by him and is afraid he might pull some violent moves on her during their hearings. And Sonni may be looking to ask for protection for Ava from Jeremy too, because she’s now claiming that he once bit the girl on the shoulder. Maybe Jeremy dropped a little coke on his daughter’s shoulder and was trying to lick it up. Everyone, even richies like Jeremy, go into IN THIS ECONOMY mode when it comes to wasting coke!
Page Six says that in court papers that were filed in Los Angeles last week, Sonni claims that in April 2017, she noticed a mark on her daughter’s shoulder. When Sonni asked Ava about it, the little girl supposedly told her that daddy turned into some kind of angry cannibal and bit her:
“It’s OK Mommy, it was an accident. I told him to never do it again,” Ava said, according to the docs.
“Later, [Ava] explained that the bite happened when [Renner] was being mean and yelling,” the filing alleged.
Sonni states in the documents that she confronted Jeremy about it, and at first, he blamed the mark on a seatbelt. But then he changed his story by laughing and saying that he and Ava were just playing a game of nibbles where he pretended that she was a spicy burrito. In other words, parenting is WEIRD!
In e-mails included in the filing, Renner, 48, denied the bruise came from him, saying Ava’s seat belt “pinched” her, the documents say.
Pacheco then challenged him, writing, “When … putting some ointment on her owie, Ava told me you bit her there,” the papers say.
Renner allegedly replied, “Ha. No. We do a nibble game called Ava burrito. Haha. But not a bite. Tell her she’s spicy. And the game ensues. Haha. Nibble game are fake nibbles.”
Jeremy’s lawyer denied the biting claim to Page Six and says that Sonni is once again trying to destroy his pristine reputation with disgusting lies.
Okay, so according to Sonni, when Jeremy isn’t snorting a chunky line of coke off of some random trick’s crotch while shooting the ceiling (maybe The Grudge monster lady lives up there?), he’s biting his daughter like some baby-eating Cujo. But according to Jeremy, he’s a wholesome silly dad who was just playing the nibble game with his daughter. Whatever the case may be, this makes me slightly squint (I said, SLIGHTLY) at Sonni’s claim of Jeremy becoming a Dyson when he sees coke. Because if he was a cokehead, poor Ava would be dealing with more than a bite mark. She’d be laid up in the hospital after choking and passing out on the stank coke breath coming out of Hawkeye’s mouth as he got close to her shoulder.