You know, sometimes I’ll go entire weeks not remembering that Paris Hilton still exists in this world. And then someone will say something’s hot, or even worse, I’ll say something’s hot, and I’ll hear or say it in Paris’ patented nasally monotone voice, and I’ll hate myself for it. It’s a sticky wicket because lots of things are hot. Food is hot, sometimes in two different ways! The weather, a stove, and Tom Hardy literally doing anything, are all good occasions for an exclamation of elevated temperature. But what’s never hot is saying “that’s hot” about a child. But that’s just what Paris Hilton herself did when commenting on a picture that 15-year-old Millie Bobby Brown posted on Instagram. Now, no one’s checking for Paris these days, so it took Evan Rachel Wood responding to her comment to provide us with our bi-monthly reminder of Paris’ continued existence.
MBB, who’s already on my list of young people who must be protected at all costs, posted a picture of herself playing grown up on Instagram, even though she’s been told to “act her age“ in the past. You should probably never “that’s hot” to a 15-year-old, even if that’s your catchphrase and the only lifeline to cultural relevancy at your disposal. But Paris did.
Here’s the picture MBB posted.
Paris commented “That’s hot”, and ERW was there to offer her a gentle reminder that much like it’s inappropriate for MBB to be texting her BAF (best adult friend) Drake about her boy problems, it’s also creepy for an adult woman to be commenting on her sex appeal. Only not in so many words. ERW simply replied “She’s 15,” a salient fact.
Look, I’m sure The Lohanaissance has probably shaken Paris to her core. None of us expected it, to be honest. But that’s not an excuse to be hitching her busted ass wagon to MBB’s star to try to catch up! Lindsay’s done it; she outwit, outlasted, and outplayed you! When Paris came out with “that’s hot” as a catchphrase, who among us could have predicted the heights that Lindsay would eventually achieve with “#dothelilo”. Yet here we are. Time for Paris to cut her losses and return to obscurity. She lost!