Miley Cyrus Said She Thought She Had To Be Gay Because Men Were Evil, And Other Dumb Shit (UPDATE)
If you are prone to headaches, get your extra-strength Excedrin ready and prepare to triple that shit. If you have an allergy to dumb shit, prepare to snort crushed-up Claritin. Because Miley Cyrus spewed out pure stupidity on Instagram Live. Miley decided to talk about her 2-second-long relationship with Cody Simpson, and she didn’t make any sense, but does she ever?
Cody starts the conversation by saying they were both fans of each other at different times. via E! Online:
“I stanned her, and then she stanned me while I didn’t stan her and now we stan each other,” he said, per a video captured by Daily Mail. “She stanned me when I didn’t know that she stanned me.”
Miley then took the dumb up a few million notches when she shat on both her estranged husband Liam Hemsworth and the rainbow flag at the same time. Miley IS that homophobic uncle who says to his lesbian niece, “You just haven’t gotten dicked down by the right guy yet!”
“Guys, I was being a little too, like…hard core feminist vibes and, just like, I don’t know, not allowing anyone in, but now I am,” she said. “There are good men out there, guys. Don’t give up. You don’t have to be gay. There are good people with dicks out there. You just gotta find them. You gotta find a dick that’s not a dick, you know what I mean?”
“Don’t give up. YOU. DON’T. HAVE. TO. BE. GAY.” Did Miley spend some time in a gay conversion camp in between sucking face with Kaitlynn Carter and getting with the man who made her 100% heterosexual Cody Simpson?! Are Miley and Mike Pence suddenly Facebook friends?
It’s awesome that, according to ex-queer person Miley Cyrus, being gay is now a choice and you get to be gay whenever it’s convenient for you, like when you want some media attention after a break-up from your husband. Also, Miley was WAY too proud of that “find a dick that’s not a dick” quote. It’s like she read it on a middle school bathroom wall and has been saving it to really blow people away.
Miley kept on talking because our brains haven’t completely collapsed yet:
She then added, “I always thought I had to be gay because I just thought, like, all guys were evil, but it’s not true. There are good people out there that just happen to have dicks. I’ve only ever met one…and he’s on this Live.”
Miley saying she needed to be gay because her marriage fell apart is the most disingenuous thing she could say. Her marriage probably fell apart because Liam was sick of hearing her say dumb shit like this. It will be interesting when Cody and Miley are done. What will Miley do after losing the only good dick she’s ever known? My guess is that she’ll suddenly become gay again and knock on the door of the queer community, who will most likely respond by doing this:
UPDATE: Miley already cleared herself up on Twitter.
— Miley Ray Cyrus (@MileyCyrus) October 21, 2019
Here’s Miley being offensive, and I’m just talking about those filters and that shit she’s eating while spewing shit.
“Don’t give up, you don’t have to be gay, there are good dicks out there, you just have to find them”
“I always thought I had to be gay because all guys are evil but that’s not true”
– @MileyCyrus what's good? pic.twitter.com/y3yjUGpCSN
— • (@bljcmie) October 21, 2019